Zvirzdins at Large

Settlers of Monopoly

2012-01-29T01:06:00.000+12:00

Andrew here, with a disclaimer that this post is nerdy, full of economics, programming, and just plain fun.

We have a history of taking board games a little too seriously sometimes. Over Christmas break, I was discussing with my brother-in-law Jason the imperfections of Settlers of Catan and Monopoly. We had been playing them both excessively during our first week in the States until all hours of the night. But we were increasingly dissatisfied with the game experience.

For those who don't know, Settlers of Catan is a game where the goal is to build settlements, roads, and cities using rural resources: wheat, sheep, brick, wood, and ore. As you gather resources, you sometimes need to trade and barter with other players for what you need. But a barter system doesn't really reflect the realities of a modern economy: what do you do if you need to trade 1.5 sheep for one ton of bricks? When there is a surplus of a good, why can you not get a better price from the trading ports? In short, market prices are not at equilibrium and there is not an adequate medium for exchange.

There are problems with Monopoly as well. Although Monopoly has money (of course), which acts as a perfect medium for exchange and property trades are easily facilitated, the economic foundations for the land of Monopoly are never entirely clear. Why is everyone living in cities? Where did they get their money in the first place? All developed economies have important agricultural and manufacturing sectors in addition to their services sector, but Monopoly seems entirely focused on the services sector. The response that Monopoly is just a game for the 1% (who inherited their money, live off investment income, or just won the lottery or something) seemed entirely unsatisfactory to us 99% folks.

And then it hit us: let's combine the best of both games! Doing so enables us to simulate a market economy with relevant agricultural, manufacturing, and service sectors. Money now functions as the medium of exchange, but it is based on the actual productive capacity within the economy. Most importantly, the game now lasts about four hours!

After hours and hours of computer programming, debating, debugging, and testing/playing our game, we bring you "Settlers of Monopoly."

Setup
For four players, though you can play with five if you must.

First, put out the Monopoly board like normal, but do not hand out any money.
Second, place 20 Settlers octagons (4 of each resource) in the middle of the Monopoly board. You will need to modify the shape somewhat, but it fits pretty well with 20 octagons. Remove Chance and Community Chest, and don't use the desert from Catan. The robber can start off in Jail.
To speed up the game (and trust me, you will need to speed up the game), shuffle all the Monopoly properties and divide them to the players evenly.
Players roll to see who goes first. Initial setup in the Settlers portion of the board proceeds as normal—settlements are placed and resources picked up to begin the game. (We refer to the Settlers board as the rural economy.)
Once the rural economy is set up as needed, use this spreadsheet that Jason created to calculate initial commodities prices. This is the tricky part as the spreadsheet attempts to adjust prices in the market based on supply and demand of various commodities (wood, sheep, wheat, brick, and ore). Green cells in the spreadsheet need to be edited at the start of the game based on the setup and your desired parameters. The Payout column must also be updated when a new settlement or city is built—how many bricks are given out when a 3 is rolled, for example. We have set the base price constant and depreciation constant at the levels that worked best for us, but feel free to play with those if you want.
Do not roll dice, but instead use the dice roller on the spreadsheet. This will automatically adjust prices based on what new resources are added to the game.

Play

When each player "rolls" using the spreadsheet, all players receive their resources in the rural economy, as is the case with Settlers of Catan. The player whose turn it is must also move the required spaces on the Monopoly board. The player can both build in the rural economy and purchase a property in the city if he or she desires.
During each turn, players may build, trade, and move according to the rules of Monopoly in the urban economy and the rules of Catan in the rural economy. However, there is rarely any bartering and all transactions take place through the bank, which now also functions as the commodities market as well. (Bartering between players for commodities usually only happens when you know that the price for a commodity will plummet when the dice button is pressed after the turn, so it's worth it to trade for less than the price at the bank before it changes on the next turn. In that sense you're rather playing the stock market as well, attempting to guess how supply and demand will affect the prices at the bank.)
All commodities transactions are input by the designated "banker" into the spreadsheet at the end of each turn.
Official commodity prices offered by the market change between each turn, as resources enter the market or are purchased and used. Again, you may sell commodities at lower or higher prices to other players when it is your turn.
At the end of each turn where roads, settlements, and/or cities are built in the rural market, the spreadsheet must be updated to reflect the increase in resources in play (the "Payout" column).
Play ends when the first person goes bankrupt. The winner is the person with the most money. All commodities in hand except property can be liquidated when counting end-of-game money.

The game is still a work in progress, and we debated (and are still debating) a number of issues. We debated if it is right to start directly into the urban market of Monopoly without having any money or an established presence in the rural market. (I like the idea of playing in both simultaneously from the beginning because it forces the players to decide where they will get a greater return on their investment.) The role of Free Parking, Jail, the Longest Road in Catan, and the robber of Catan were discussed too. We also prepared, but never used, a commodities futures market (listed as the insurance column on the spreadsheet) where players could lock in a price for their commodity, after paying a modest fee to the bank, of course. Feel free to add your own house rules too if you are crazy enough to play this game. After all, we are following in the great footsteps of Calvin and Hobbes and have yet to play this game the same way twice.

A couple final thoughts:

Hats off to Jason for his programming work on the spreadsheet! He has a script running in the background that is doing all the work, and I appreciate his willingness to sit down and debate economics and programming for hours.
If anyone is seriously thinking of playing this game with the spreadsheet, feel free to email me if you have questions about the spreadsheet. I recognize that it may not be entirely clear to the uninitiated.
Making this game was almost as much fun as playing it. And we had a number of intense and interesting discussions about economics and the modern world. Who knew a board game could be both entertaining and educational?
All in all, I would say Settlers of Monopoly will be one of the great memories from our relaxing 2011 Christmas break.

Board at the beginning of a very long game. In this version we passed out money at the beginning.

Board near the end of the game (at 3:30 am or something ridiculous like that). It was epic.

Erki, edik, wa! Kak!

2012-01-25T22:10:00.000+12:00

While Newt Gingrich has been in the media's limelight for his infidelity and hypocrisy, and while Romney proclaims in a banner, "Obama Isn't Working," and while many other people are squabbling about the upcoming election, Obama has been doing a great job as our president. You may not agree with him on some things, or maybe a lot of things, but really, he is pretty darn reasonable. He's even a faithful husband. Take a look at his speech that he gave today—I included at the end of this post.

Photo from the White House Flikr feed.

As an extreme moderate, my current political party, I was impressed with his common-sense solutions that will benefit the most Americans in the long-term. He calls for teachers who can teach creativity and passion, not just teach to a test. He wants to sign bills that make taxes equal for everyone but give advantages for small businesses and those wanting to build manufacturing businesses in America. He invites Congress to make a bill that will stop politicians from serving special interest groups or lobbyists for campaign donations. It is awesome!

Just because Romney is a good Mormon doesn't mean that he'll be a good president. I have no doubt that he is a good man. Maybe he would be a great president. But we already have a great president who is actively suggesting solutions and who has already delivered on so many fronts. If you don't agree with me, read his speech.

In general, I would say that the most common complaint I've heard is that Obama/the Devil/Democrats (depending on whom you talk to) want to take people's hard-earned money away and redistribute it. Against their will. Well, I wish people would go to their Netflix account and watch Tom Shadyac's documentary I AM. Admittedly it's a bit kooky, neo-whatever, and overly sentimental in some parts, but it is a beautiful plea for people to stop trying to be competitive and materialistic and start realizing that we depend on each other and we affect each other; therefore, we should take care of each other.

My favorite part of I AM was an example of how we humans erroneously extrapolate: we know that to be cold, hungry, and naked in a snowy forest is a bad thing, and that a cabin providing shelter, clothing, and a hot bowl of soup will bring happiness and fulfillment. Where we go wrong is in supposing that if we have MORE shelter, clothing, food, etc., then we will be even happier. The most exotic foods, the prettiest clothing, the biggest mansion. Besides these material things, there are a million seemingly noble reasons why a millionaire shouldn't "share" his extra wealth (job creation, for example), but those reasons all sound a little hollow and of the "mine-mine-mine" mentality of the seagulls in Finding Nemo.

Some people say that taxes spent towards public goods (parks, roads, social programs) rob them of their agency to be charitable on their own, but I say that there is a wonderful Gestalt-y power when we act as an organization. Organizations in any form have been vilified as of late—the evil corporation, the brainwashing religion, the ineffective social program, the government in general—but really, as the Marshallese say,

Erki, edik, wa! Kak!

This is a chant meaning, "Push one, push all! Push hard!" It's a chant for when a lot of people are trying to push a canoe into the ocean. The leader says the first part and then the rest, with a great big push, shout, "Kak!" They work together so that someone in their community can go fishing on that canoe; that person then shares the fish when he returns. But they still would have helped him put his canoe in the water even if he came back with no fish. We could do a better job of being willing to work as a country to help our neighbors ("Who is my neighbor?"), even though we don't receive dividends from doing so.

I particularly like the way the Marshallese have worked together to survive. These days the average American doesn't need anybody to survive, per se, but we do need each other so that we can progress and so that more people can enjoy that basic cabin containing food, clothing, and safety. If a Marshallese chant doesn't convince you that Obama might be suggesting something worthwhile, perhaps a walk down old-school Sesame Street might help (liberal propaganda!!).

So hey, read the speech, watch the documentary, feel the love, work together. It's not impossible. And I'm not really a hippie, but I do have a tie-dye shirt that I like.

Obama's State of the Union Address (January 24, 2012)

Mr. Speaker, Mr. Vice President, members of Congress, distinguished guests, and fellow Americans:

Last month, I went to Andrews Air Force Base and welcomed home some of our last troops to serve in Iraq. Together, we offered a final, proud salute to the colors under which more than a million of our fellow citizens fought – and several thousand gave their lives.

We gather tonight knowing that this generation of heroes has made the United States safer and more respected around the world. For the first time in nine years, there are no Americans fighting in Iraq. For the first time in two decades, Osama bin Laden is not a threat to this country. Most of al Qaeda’s top lieutenants have been defeated. The Taliban’s momentum has been broken, and some troops in Afghanistan have begun to come home.

These achievements are a testament to the courage, selflessness, and teamwork of America’s Armed Forces. At a time when too many of our institutions have let us down, they exceed all expectations. They’re not consumed with personal ambition. They don’t obsess over their differences. They focus on the mission at hand. They work together.

Imagine what we could accomplish if we followed their example. Think about the America within our reach: A country that leads the world in educating its people. An America that attracts a new generation of high-tech manufacturing and high-paying jobs. A future where we’re in control of our own energy, and our security and prosperity aren’t so tied to unstable parts of the world. An economy built to last, where hard work pays off, and responsibility is rewarded.

We can do this. I know we can, because we’ve done it before. At the end of World War II, when another generation of heroes returned home from combat, they built the strongest economy and middle class the world has ever known. My grandfather, a veteran of Patton’s Army, got the chance to go to college on the GI Bill. My grandmother, who worked on a bomber assembly line, was part of a workforce that turned out the best products on Earth.

The two of them shared the optimism of a Nation that had triumphed over a depression and fascism. They understood they were part of something larger; that they were contributing to a story of success that every American had a chance to share – the basic American promise that if you worked hard, you could do well enough to raise a family, own a home, send your kids to college, and put a little away for retirement.

The defining issue of our time is how to keep that promise alive. No challenge is more urgent. No debate is more important. We can either settle for a country where a shrinking number of people do really well, while a growing number of Americans barely get by. Or we can restore an economy where everyone gets a fair shot, everyone does their fair share, and everyone plays by the same set of rules. What’s at stake are not Democratic values or Republican values, but American values. We have to reclaim them.

Let’s remember how we got here. Long before the recession, jobs and manufacturing began leaving our shores. Technology made businesses more efficient, but also made some jobs obsolete. Folks at the top saw their incomes rise like never before, but most hardworking Americans struggled with costs that were growing, paychecks that weren’t, and personal debt that kept piling up.

In 2008, the house of cards collapsed. We learned that mortgages had been sold to people who couldn’t afford or understand them. Banks had made huge bets and bonuses with other people’s money. Regulators had looked the other way, or didn’t have the authority to stop the bad behavior.

It was wrong. It was irresponsible. And it plunged our economy into a crisis that put millions out of work, saddled us with more debt, and left innocent, hard-working Americans holding the bag. In the six months before I took office, we lost nearly four million jobs. And we lost another four million before our policies were in full effect.

Those are the facts. But so are these. In the last 22 months, businesses have created more than three million jobs. Last year, they created the most jobs since 2005. American manufacturers are hiring again, creating jobs for the first time since the late 1990s. Together, we’ve agreed to cut the deficit by more than $2 trillion. And we’ve put in place new rules to hold Wall Street accountable, so a crisis like that never happens again.

The state of our Union is getting stronger. And we’ve come too far to turn back now. As long as I’m President, I will work with anyone in this chamber to build on this momentum. But I intend to fight obstruction with action, and I will oppose any effort to return to the very same policies that brought on this economic crisis in the first place.

No, we will not go back to an economy weakened by outsourcing, bad debt, and phony financial profits. Tonight, I want to speak about how we move forward, and lay out a blueprint for an economy that’s built to last – an economy built on American manufacturing, American energy, skills for American workers, and a renewal of American values.

This blueprint begins with American manufacturing.

On the day I took office, our auto industry was on the verge of collapse. Some even said we should let it die. With a million jobs at stake, I refused to let that happen. In exchange for help, we demanded responsibility. We got workers and automakers to settle their differences. We got the industry to retool and restructure. Today, General Motors is back on top as the world’s number one automaker. Chrysler has grown faster in the U.S. than any major car company. Ford is investing billions in U.S. plants and factories. And together, the entire industry added nearly 160,000 jobs.

We bet on American workers. We bet on American ingenuity. And tonight, the American auto industry is back.

What’s happening in Detroit can happen in other industries. It can happen in Cleveland and Pittsburgh and Raleigh. We can’t bring back every job that’s left our shores. But right now, it’s getting more expensive to do business in places like China. Meanwhile, America is more productive. A few weeks ago, the CEO of Master Lock told me that it now makes business sense for him to bring jobs back home. Today, for the first time in fifteen years, Master Lock’s unionized plant in Milwaukee is running at full capacity.

So we have a huge opportunity, at this moment, to bring manufacturing back. But we have to seize it. Tonight, my message to business leaders is simple: Ask yourselves what you can do to bring jobs back to your country, and your country will do everything we can to help you succeed.

We should start with our tax code. Right now, companies get tax breaks for moving jobs and profits overseas. Meanwhile, companies that choose to stay in America get hit with one of the highest tax rates in the world. It makes no sense, and everyone knows it.

So let’s change it. First, if you’re a business that wants to outsource jobs, you shouldn’t get a tax deduction for doing it. That money should be used to cover moving expenses for companies like Master Lock that decide to bring jobs home.

Second, no American company should be able to avoid paying its fair share of taxes by moving jobs and profits overseas. From now on, every multinational company should have to pay a basic minimum tax. And every penny should go towards lowering taxes for companies that choose to stay here and hire here.

Third, if you’re an American manufacturer, you should get a bigger tax cut. If you’re a high-tech manufacturer, we should double the tax deduction you get for making products here. And if you want to relocate in a community that was hit hard when a factory left town, you should get help financing a new plant, equipment, or training for new workers.

My message is simple. It’s time to stop rewarding businesses that ship jobs overseas, and start rewarding companies that create jobs right here in America. Send me these tax reforms, and I’ll sign them right away.

We’re also making it easier for American businesses to sell products all over the world. Two years ago, I set a goal of doubling U.S. exports over five years. With the bipartisan trade agreements I signed into law, we are on track to meet that goal – ahead of schedule. Soon, there will be millions of new customers for American goods in Panama, Colombia, and South Korea. Soon, there will be new cars on the streets of Seoul imported from Detroit, and Toledo, and Chicago.

I will go anywhere in the world to open new markets for American products. And I will not stand by when our competitors don’t play by the rules. We’ve brought trade cases against China at nearly twice the rate as the last administration – and it’s made a difference. Over a thousand Americans are working today because we stopped a surge in Chinese tires. But we need to do more. It’s not right when another country lets our movies, music, and software be pirated. It’s not fair when foreign manufacturers have a leg up on ours only because they’re heavily subsidized.

Tonight, I’m announcing the creation of a Trade Enforcement Unit that will be charged with investigating unfair trade practices in countries like China. There will be more inspections to prevent counterfeit or unsafe goods from crossing our borders. And this Congress should make sure that no foreign company has an advantage over American manufacturing when it comes to accessing finance or new markets like Russia. Our workers are the most productive on Earth, and if the playing field is level, I promise you – America will always win.

I also hear from many business leaders who want to hire in the United States but can’t find workers with the right skills. Growing industries in science and technology have twice as many openings as we have workers who can do the job. Think about that – openings at a time when millions of Americans are looking for work.

That’s inexcusable. And we know how to fix it.

Jackie Bray is a single mom from North Carolina who was laid off from her job as a mechanic. Then Siemens opened a gas turbine factory in Charlotte, and formed a partnership with Central Piedmont Community College. The company helped the college design courses in laser and robotics training. It paid Jackie’s tuition, then hired her to help operate their plant.

I want every American looking for work to have the same opportunity as Jackie did. Join me in a national commitment to train two million Americans with skills that will lead directly to a job. My Administration has already lined up more companies that want to help. Model partnerships between businesses like Siemens and community colleges in places like Charlotte, Orlando, and Louisville are up and running. Now you need to give more community colleges the resources they need to become community career centers – places that teach people skills that local businesses are looking for right now, from data management to high-tech manufacturing.

And I want to cut through the maze of confusing training programs, so that from now on, people like Jackie have one program, one website, and one place to go for all the information and help they need. It’s time to turn our unemployment system into a reemployment system that puts people to work.

These reforms will help people get jobs that are open today. But to prepare for the jobs of tomorrow, our commitment to skills and education has to start earlier.

For less than one percent of what our Nation spends on education each year, we’ve convinced nearly every State in the country to raise their standards for teaching and learning – the first time that’s happened in a generation.

But challenges remain. And we know how to solve them.

At a time when other countries are doubling down on education, tight budgets have forced States to lay off thousands of teachers. We know a good teacher can increase the lifetime income of a classroom by over $250,000. A great teacher can offer an escape from poverty to the child who dreams beyond his circumstance. Every person in this chamber can point to a teacher who changed the trajectory of their lives. Most teachers work tirelessly, with modest pay, sometimes digging into their own pocket for school supplies – just to make a difference.

Teachers matter. So instead of bashing them, or defending the status quo, let’s offer schools a deal. Give them the resources to keep good teachers on the job, and reward the best ones. In return, grant schools flexibility: To teach with creativity and passion; to stop teaching to the test; and to replace teachers who just aren’t helping kids learn.

We also know that when students aren’t allowed to walk away from their education, more of them walk the stage to get their diploma. So tonight, I call on every State to require that all students stay in high school until they graduate or turn eighteen.

When kids do graduate, the most daunting challenge can be the cost of college. At a time when Americans owe more in tuition debt than credit card debt, this Congress needs to stop the interest rates on student loans from doubling in July. Extend the tuition tax credit we started that saves middle-class families thousands of dollars. And give more young people the chance to earn their way through college by doubling the number of work-study jobs in the next five years.

Of course, it’s not enough for us to increase student aid. We can’t just keep subsidizing skyrocketing tuition; we’ll run out of money. States also need to do their part, by making higher education a higher priority in their budgets. And colleges and universities have to do their part by working to keep costs down. Recently, I spoke with a group of college presidents who’ve done just that. Some schools re-design courses to help students finish more quickly. Some use better technology. The point is, it’s possible. So let me put colleges and universities on notice: If you can’t stop tuition from going up, the funding you get from taxpayers will go down. Higher education can’t be a luxury – it’s an economic imperative that every family in America should be able to afford.

Let’s also remember that hundreds of thousands of talented, hardworking students in this country face another challenge: The fact that they aren’t yet American citizens. Many were brought here as small children, are American through and through, yet they live every day with the threat of deportation. Others came more recently, to study business and science and engineering, but as soon as they get their degree, we send them home to invent new products and create new jobs somewhere else.

That doesn’t make sense.

I believe as strongly as ever that we should take on illegal immigration. That’s why my Administration has put more boots on the border than ever before. That’s why there are fewer illegal crossings than when I took office.

The opponents of action are out of excuses. We should be working on comprehensive immigration reform right now. But if election-year politics keeps Congress from acting on a comprehensive plan, let’s at least agree to stop expelling responsible young people who want to staff our labs, start new businesses, and defend this country. Send me a law that gives them the chance to earn their citizenship. I will sign it right away.

You see, an economy built to last is one where we encourage the talent and ingenuity of every person in this country. That means women should earn equal pay for equal work. It means we should support everyone who’s willing to work; and every risk-taker and entrepreneur who aspires to become the next Steve Jobs.

After all, innovation is what America has always been about. Most new jobs are created in start-ups and small businesses. So let’s pass an agenda that helps them succeed. Tear down regulations that prevent aspiring entrepreneurs from getting the financing to grow. Expand tax relief to small businesses that are raising wages and creating good jobs. Both parties agree on these ideas. So put them in a bill, and get it on my desk this year.

Innovation also demands basic research. Today, the discoveries taking place in our federally-financed labs and universities could lead to new treatments that kill cancer cells but leave healthy ones untouched. New lightweight vests for cops and soldiers that can stop any bullet. Don’t gut these investments in our budget. Don’t let other countries win the race for the future. Support the same kind of research and innovation that led to the computer chip and the Internet; to new American jobs and new American industries.

Nowhere is the promise of innovation greater than in American-made energy. Over the last three years, we’ve opened millions of new acres for oil and gas exploration, and tonight, I’m directing my Administration to open more than 75 percent of our potential offshore oil and gas resources. Right now, American oil production is the highest that it’s been in eight years. That’s right – eight years. Not only that – last year, we relied less on foreign oil than in any of the past sixteen years.

But with only 2 percent of the world’s oil reserves, oil isn’t enough. This country needs an all-out, all-of-the-above strategy that develops every available source of American energy – a strategy that’s cleaner, cheaper, and full of new jobs.

We have a supply of natural gas that can last America nearly one hundred years, and my Administration will take every possible action to safely develop this energy. Experts believe this will support more than 600,000 jobs by the end of the decade. And I’m requiring all companies that drill for gas on public lands to disclose the chemicals they use. America will develop this resource without putting the health and safety of our citizens at risk.

The development of natural gas will create jobs and power trucks and factories that are cleaner and cheaper, proving that we don’t have to choose between our environment and our economy. And by the way, it was public research dollars, over the course of thirty years, that helped develop the technologies to extract all this natural gas out of shale rock – reminding us that Government support is critical in helping businesses get new energy ideas off the ground.

What’s true for natural gas is true for clean energy. In three years, our partnership with the private sector has already positioned America to be the world’s leading manufacturer of high-tech batteries. Because of federal investments, renewable energy use has nearly doubled. And thousands of Americans have jobs because of it.

When Bryan Ritterby was laid off from his job making furniture, he said he worried that at 55, no one would give him a second chance. But he found work at Energetx, a wind turbine manufacturer in Michigan. Before the recession, the factory only made luxury yachts. Today, it’s hiring workers like Bryan, who said, “I’m proud to be working in the industry of the future.”

Our experience with shale gas shows us that the payoffs on these public investments don’t always come right away. Some technologies don’t pan out; some companies fail. But I will not walk away from the promise of clean energy. I will not walk away from workers like Bryan. I will not cede the wind or solar or battery industry to China or Germany because we refuse to make the same commitment here. We have subsidized oil companies for a century. That’s long enough. It’s time to end the taxpayer giveaways to an industry that’s rarely been more profitable, and double-down on a clean energy industry that’s never been more promising. Pass clean energy tax credits and create these jobs.

We can also spur energy innovation with new incentives. The differences in this chamber may be too deep right now to pass a comprehensive plan to fight climate change. But there’s no reason why Congress shouldn’t at least set a clean energy standard that creates a market for innovation. So far, you haven’t acted. Well tonight, I will. I’m directing my Administration to allow the development of clean energy on enough public land to power three million homes. And I’m proud to announce that the Department of Defense, the world’s largest consumer of energy, will make one of the largest commitments to clean energy in history – with the Navy purchasing enough capacity to power a quarter of a million homes a year.

Of course, the easiest way to save money is to waste less energy. So here’s another proposal: Help manufacturers eliminate energy waste in their factories and give businesses incentives to upgrade their buildings. Their energy bills will be $100 billion lower over the next decade, and America will have less pollution, more manufacturing, and more jobs for construction workers who need them. Send me a bill that creates these jobs.

Building this new energy future should be just one part of a broader agenda to repair America’s infrastructure. So much of America needs to be rebuilt. We’ve got crumbling roads and bridges. A power grid that wastes too much energy. An incomplete high-speed broadband network that prevents a small business owner in rural America from selling her products all over the world.

During the Great Depression, America built the Hoover Dam and the Golden Gate Bridge. After World War II, we connected our States with a system of highways. Democratic and Republican administrations invested in great projects that benefited everybody, from the workers who built them to the businesses that still use them today.

In the next few weeks, I will sign an Executive Order clearing away the red tape that slows down too many construction projects. But you need to fund these projects. Take the money we’re no longer spending at war, use half of it to pay down our debt, and use the rest to do some nation-building right here at home.

There’s never been a better time to build, especially since the construction industry was one of the hardest-hit when the housing bubble burst. Of course, construction workers weren’t the only ones hurt. So were millions of innocent Americans who’ve seen their home values decline. And while Government can’t fix the problem on its own, responsible homeowners shouldn’t have to sit and wait for the housing market to hit bottom to get some relief.

That’s why I’m sending this Congress a plan that gives every responsible homeowner the chance to save about $3,000 a year on their mortgage, by refinancing at historically low interest rates. No more red tape. No more runaround from the banks. A small fee on the largest financial institutions will ensure that it won’t add to the deficit, and will give banks that were rescued by taxpayers a chance to repay a deficit of trust.

Let’s never forget: Millions of Americans who work hard and play by the rules every day deserve a Government and a financial system that do the same. It’s time to apply the same rules from top to bottom: No bailouts, no handouts, and no copouts. An America built to last insists on responsibility from everybody.

We’ve all paid the price for lenders who sold mortgages to people who couldn’t afford them, and buyers who knew they couldn’t afford them. That’s why we need smart regulations to prevent irresponsible behavior. Rules to prevent financial fraud, or toxic dumping, or faulty medical devices, don’t destroy the free market. They make the free market work better.

There is no question that some regulations are outdated, unnecessary, or too costly. In fact, I’ve approved fewer regulations in the first three years of my presidency than my Republican predecessor did in his. I’ve ordered every federal agency to eliminate rules that don’t make sense. We’ve already announced over 500 reforms, and just a fraction of them will save business and citizens more than $10 billion over the next five years. We got rid of one rule from 40 years ago that could have forced some dairy farmers to spend $10,000 a year proving that they could contain a spill – because milk was somehow classified as an oil. With a rule like that, I guess it was worth crying over spilled milk.

I’m confident a farmer can contain a milk spill without a federal agency looking over his shoulder. But I will not back down from making sure an oil company can contain the kind of oil spill we saw in the Gulf two years ago. I will not back down from protecting our kids from mercury pollution, or making sure that our food is safe and our water is clean. I will not go back to the days when health insurance companies had unchecked power to cancel your policy, deny you coverage, or charge women differently from men.

And I will not go back to the days when Wall Street was allowed to play by its own set of rules. The new rules we passed restore what should be any financial system’s core purpose: Getting funding to entrepreneurs with the best ideas, and getting loans to responsible families who want to buy a home, start a business, or send a kid to college.

So if you’re a big bank or financial institution, you are no longer allowed to make risky bets with your customers’ deposits. You’re required to write out a “living will” that details exactly how you’ll pay the bills if you fail – because the rest of us aren’t bailing you out ever again. And if you’re a mortgage lender or a payday lender or a credit card company, the days of signing people up for products they can’t afford with confusing forms and deceptive practices are over. Today, American consumers finally have a watchdog in Richard Cordray with one job: To look out for them.

We will also establish a Financial Crimes Unit of highly trained investigators to crack down on large-scale fraud and protect people’s investments. Some financial firms violate major anti-fraud laws because there’s no real penalty for being a repeat offender. That’s bad for consumers, and it’s bad for the vast majority of bankers and financial service professionals who do the right thing. So pass legislation that makes the penalties for fraud count.

And tonight, I am asking my Attorney General to create a special unit of federal prosecutors and leading state attorneys general to expand our investigations into the abusive lending and packaging of risky mortgages that led to the housing crisis. This new unit will hold accountable those who broke the law, speed assistance to homeowners, and help turn the page on an era of recklessness that hurt so many Americans.

A return to the American values of fair play and shared responsibility will help us protect our people and our economy. But it should also guide us as we look to pay down our debt and invest in our future.

Right now, our most immediate priority is stopping a tax hike on 160 million working Americans while the recovery is still fragile. People cannot afford losing $40 out of each paycheck this year. There are plenty of ways to get this done. So let’s agree right here, right now: No side issues. No drama. Pass the payroll tax cut without delay.

When it comes to the deficit, we’ve already agreed to more than $2 trillion in cuts and savings. But we need to do more, and that means making choices. Right now, we’re poised to spend nearly $1 trillion more on what was supposed to be a temporary tax break for the wealthiest 2 percent of Americans. Right now, because of loopholes and shelters in the tax code, a quarter of all millionaires pay lower tax rates than millions of middle-class households. Right now, Warren Buffett pays a lower tax rate than his secretary.

Do we want to keep these tax cuts for the wealthiest Americans? Or do we want to keep our investments in everything else – like education and medical research; a strong military and care for our veterans? Because if we’re serious about paying down our debt, we can’t do both.

The American people know what the right choice is. So do I. As I told the Speaker this summer, I’m prepared to make more reforms that rein in the long term costs of Medicare and Medicaid, and strengthen Social Security, so long as those programs remain a guarantee of security for seniors.

But in return, we need to change our tax code so that people like me, and an awful lot of Members of Congress, pay our fair share of taxes. Tax reform should follow the Buffett rule: If you make more than $1 million a year, you should not pay less than 30 percent in taxes. And my Republican friend Tom Coburn is right: Washington should stop subsidizing millionaires. In fact, if you’re earning a million dollars a year, you shouldn’t get special tax subsidies or deductions. On the other hand, if you make under $250,000 a year, like 98 percent of American families, your taxes shouldn’t go up. You’re the ones struggling with rising costs and stagnant wages. You’re the ones who need relief.

Now, you can call this class warfare all you want. But asking a billionaire to pay at least as much as his secretary in taxes? Most Americans would call that common sense.

We don’t begrudge financial success in this country. We admire it. When Americans talk about folks like me paying my fair share of taxes, it’s not because they envy the rich. It’s because they understand that when I get tax breaks I don’t need and the country can’t afford, it either adds to the deficit, or somebody else has to make up the difference – like a senior on a fixed income; or a student trying to get through school; or a family trying to make ends meet. That’s not right. Americans know it’s not right. They know that this generation’s success is only possible because past generations felt a responsibility to each other, and to their country’s future, and they know our way of life will only endure if we feel that same sense of shared responsibility. That’s how we’ll reduce our deficit. That’s an America built to last.

I recognize that people watching tonight have differing views about taxes and debt; energy and health care. But no matter what party they belong to, I bet most Americans are thinking the same thing right now: Nothing will get done this year, or next year, or maybe even the year after that, because Washington is broken.

Can you blame them for feeling a little cynical?

The greatest blow to confidence in our economy last year didn’t come from events beyond our control. It came from a debate in Washington over whether the United States would pay its bills or not. Who benefited from that fiasco?

I’ve talked tonight about the deficit of trust between Main Street and Wall Street. But the divide between this city and the rest of the country is at least as bad – and it seems to get worse every year.

Some of this has to do with the corrosive influence of money in politics. So together, let’s take some steps to fix that. Send me a bill that bans insider trading by Members of Congress, and I will sign it tomorrow. Let’s limit any elected official from owning stocks in industries they impact. Let’s make sure people who bundle campaign contributions for Congress can’t lobby Congress, and vice versa – an idea that has bipartisan support, at least outside of Washington.

Some of what’s broken has to do with the way Congress does its business these days. A simple majority is no longer enough to get anything – even routine business – passed through the Senate. Neither party has been blameless in these tactics. Now both parties should put an end to it. For starters, I ask the Senate to pass a rule that all judicial and public service nominations receive a simple up or down vote within 90 days.

The executive branch also needs to change. Too often, it’s inefficient, outdated and remote. That’s why I’ve asked this Congress to grant me the authority to consolidate the federal bureaucracy so that our Government is leaner, quicker, and more responsive to the needs of the American people.

Finally, none of these reforms can happen unless we also lower the temperature in this town. We need to end the notion that the two parties must be locked in a perpetual campaign of mutual destruction; that politics is about clinging to rigid ideologies instead of building consensus around common sense ideas.

I’m a Democrat. But I believe what Republican Abraham Lincoln believed: That Government should do for people only what they cannot do better by themselves, and no more. That’s why my education reform offers more competition, and more control for schools and States. That’s why we’re getting rid of regulations that don’t work. That’s why our health care law relies on a reformed private market, not a Government program.

On the other hand, even my Republican friends who complain the most about Government spending have supported federally-financed roads, and clean energy projects, and federal offices for the folks back home.

The point is, we should all want a smarter, more effective Government. And while we may not be able to bridge our biggest philosophical differences this year, we can make real progress. With or without this Congress, I will keep taking actions that help the economy grow. But I can do a whole lot more with your help. Because when we act together, there is nothing the United States of America can’t achieve.

That is the lesson we’ve learned from our actions abroad over the last few years.

Ending the Iraq war has allowed us to strike decisive blows against our enemies. From Pakistan to Yemen, the al Qaeda operatives who remain are scrambling, knowing that they can’t escape the reach of the United States of America.

From this position of strength, we’ve begun to wind down the war in Afghanistan. Ten thousand of our troops have come home. Twenty-three thousand more will leave by the end of this summer. This transition to Afghan lead will continue, and we will build an enduring partnership with Afghanistan, so that it is never again a source of attacks against America.

As the tide of war recedes, a wave of change has washed across the Middle East and North Africa, from Tunis to Cairo; from Sana’a to Tripoli. A year ago, Qadhafi was one of the world’s longest-serving dictators – a murderer with American blood on his hands. Today, he is gone. And in Syria, I have no doubt that the Assad regime will soon discover that the forces of change can’t be reversed, and that human dignity can’t be denied.

How this incredible transformation will end remains uncertain. But we have a huge stake in the outcome. And while it is ultimately up to the people of the region to decide their fate, we will advocate for those values that have served our own country so well. We will stand against violence and intimidation. We will stand for the rights and dignity of all human beings – men and women; Christians, Muslims, and Jews. We will support policies that lead to strong and stable democracies and open markets, because tyranny is no match for liberty.

And we will safeguard America’s own security against those who threaten our citizens, our friends, and our interests. Look at Iran. Through the power of our diplomacy, a world that was once divided about how to deal with Iran’s nuclear program now stands as one. The regime is more isolated than ever before; its leaders are faced with crippling sanctions, and as long as they shirk their responsibilities, this pressure will not relent. Let there be no doubt: America is determined to prevent Iran from getting a nuclear weapon, and I will take no options off the table to achieve that goal. But a peaceful resolution of this issue is still possible, and far better, and if Iran changes course and meets its obligations, it can rejoin the community of nations.

The renewal of American leadership can be felt across the globe. Our oldest alliances in Europe and Asia are stronger than ever. Our ties to the Americas are deeper. Our iron-clad commitment to Israel’s security has meant the closest military cooperation between our two countries in history. We’ve made it clear that America is a Pacific power, and a new beginning in Burma has lit a new hope. From the coalitions we’ve built to secure nuclear materials, to the missions we’ve led against hunger and disease; from the blows we’ve dealt to our enemies; to the enduring power of our moral example, America is back.

Anyone who tells you otherwise, anyone who tells you that America is in decline or that our influence has waned, doesn’t know what they’re talking about. That’s not the message we get from leaders around the world, all of whom are eager to work with us. That’s not how people feel from Tokyo to Berlin; from Cape Town to Rio; where opinions of America are higher than they’ve been in years. Yes, the world is changing; no, we can’t control every event. But America remains the one indispensable nation in world affairs – and as long as I’m President, I intend to keep it that way.

That’s why, working with our military leaders, I have proposed a new defense strategy that ensures we maintain the finest military in the world, while saving nearly half a trillion dollars in our budget. To stay one step ahead of our adversaries, I have already sent this Congress legislation that will secure our country from the growing danger of cyber-threats.

Above all, our freedom endures because of the men and women in uniform who defend it. As they come home, we must serve them as well as they served us. That includes giving them the care and benefits they have earned – which is why we’ve increased annual VA spending every year I’ve been President. And it means enlisting our veterans in the work of rebuilding our Nation.

With the bipartisan support of this Congress, we are providing new tax credits to companies that hire vets. Michelle and Jill Biden have worked with American businesses to secure a pledge of 135,000 jobs for veterans and their families. And tonight, I’m proposing a Veterans Job Corps that will help our communities hire veterans as cops and firefighters, so that America is as strong as those who defend her.

Which brings me back to where I began. Those of us who’ve been sent here to serve can learn from the service of our troops. When you put on that uniform, it doesn’t matter if you’re black or white; Asian or Latino; conservative or liberal; rich or poor; gay or straight. When you’re marching into battle, you look out for the person next to you, or the mission fails. When you’re in the thick of the fight, you rise or fall as one unit, serving one Nation, leaving no one behind.

One of my proudest possessions is the flag that the SEAL Team took with them on the mission to get bin Laden. On it are each of their names. Some may be Democrats. Some may be Republicans. But that doesn’t matter. Just like it didn’t matter that day in the Situation Room, when I sat next to Bob Gates – a man who was George Bush’s defense secretary; and Hillary Clinton, a woman who ran against me for president.

All that mattered that day was the mission. No one thought about politics. No one thought about themselves. One of the young men involved in the raid later told me that he didn’t deserve credit for the mission. It only succeeded, he said, because every single member of that unit did their job – the pilot who landed the helicopter that spun out of control; the translator who kept others from entering the compound; the troops who separated the women and children from the fight; the SEALs who charged up the stairs. More than that, the mission only succeeded because every member of that unit trusted each other – because you can’t charge up those stairs, into darkness and danger, unless you know that there’s someone behind you, watching your back.

So it is with America. Each time I look at that flag, I’m reminded that our destiny is stitched together like those fifty stars and those thirteen stripes. No one built this country on their own. This Nation is great because we built it together. This Nation is great because we worked as a team. This Nation is great because we get each other’s backs. And if we hold fast to that truth, in this moment of trial, there is no challenge too great; no mission too hard. As long as we’re joined in common purpose, as long as we maintain our common resolve, our journey moves forward, our future is hopeful, and the state of our Union will always be strong.

Thank you, God bless you, and may God bless the United States of America.

Weaving Marshallese-Style: I Did It!

2012-01-19T11:59:00.000+12:00

It was one of my goals to somehow find a way to learn how to make a Marshallese bracelet. Right when we got back from our trip, I learned that the next LDS young women's activity at church was making Marshallese necklaces. Yes!

Bella (gray shirt and purple skirt) was the master teacher this time, although there are several women in the ward who are incredible at these handicrafts.

An AMAZING amount of effort is put into making the strands for the handicrafts (called "amimono"). First, someone climbs a coconut tree and chops off one of the new fronds that is growing straight up out of the coconut tree. You have to get a new one or the strands will turn brown and brittle later. Then the fronds are stripped and boiled.

After THAT they are hung out to dry, then cut into smaller strands, then (I didn't understand this part very well) the strands are stripped or scraped somehow. Then they're ready for weaving.

We were taught to put the end of the coconut strands around our toes. The basic weaving method we were taught involves weaving 7 strands together, incorporating new strands as the originals get too thin, then dropping down to three strands to make the final loop that helps latch the necklace or bracelet together.

I won't even say that I stick out like a big white thumb, because I didn't feel that way.

I love these women.

After the loop was made, Bella took a strand of coconut leaf, took a needle, and stripped the leaf down even further to make thread for the final part. She showed us how to sew the conch shells on and sew the ends so they don't unravel.

The conch shells are not polished! All the Marshallese do is find them on the beach (ocean side, usually), bury them in the sand, wait for the ants to eat the mollusks inside, dig them up, wash them off, and drill a hole in them with a tiny screwdriver.

My finished project of the night:

Awesome. Bracelets are next.

Back to Real Life

2012-01-13T16:30:00.000+12:00

Title to be explained later. Our R&R back to Utah over Christmas and New Years was epic, fun, interesting, and needed—pictures to follow (sorry, I really don't feel like splitting all the pictures up into separate posts, so I will be posting a whole slew of them). I got to spend time with Andrew, my family, Andrew's family, and a couple of friends, and Max got to know his grandparents and aunts and uncles much better. I got to eat at my favorite restaurants in the world, Zupas and Chuck-A-Rama. You heard me, Chuck-A-Rama. And since we don't have access to some technological things in the Marshall Islands and we probably won't be back in the US until our tour is over, I went all out on shopping and errands. It was intense.

The first time we walked into a grocery store—Harmons, not even the mightiest of them all—I nearly cried as I sampled their free bits of Gouda cheese with green olives. Then the cheesecake samples, then the salsa with guacamole samples . . . it was amazing. What luxury! We walked around the whole store rather in shock. I went to get a brand of lotion I like that's not available on the island and found that there were six different varieties of said lotion. You have a lot to be grateful for, America!

Here's the slew:

Max with Andrew's parents at the Bean Museum in Provo, Utah.

Amanita! Amanita!

Catherine, you are great.

O, the Y.

Mary + Parfait = Perfect Morning

Fresh blueberries, raspberries, and strawberries! What a treat!

Max pointing out the Y on the mountain and saying it over and over and over. It was fun to visit BYU campus.

Went with both families to the new Museum of Natural History up by the U of U. Excellent museum. Always a little more challenging with a child.

My wonderful sister-in-law.

Scratching for bones near the dinosaurs.

Drawing faces. Max says "happy," "sad," and "angry."

My sister giving us a break from baby-watching. She and I also went to play racquetball, something that I dearly missed.

Max & Nana—the dog was incredibly jealous that my mom was paying attention to somebody else and went for Max's legs a few times. Bad Charlie!

Jason hates pictures. Didn't even get one of my other sister and my other brother and his girlfriend. But I enjoyed their company heartily.

This needs some explaining. Will do in another post at another time. For now, just know that my brother Jason is awesome and we have a new game called "Settlers of Monopoly." It lasts HOURS and HOURS and HOURS.

My techno-savvy brother-in-law teaching me how to use my new camera and what aperture means. Thanks, Eric!

Visited the LDS temple where Andrew and I were married, the Jordan River Temple (click here to see the front of it).

No downhill skiing this year, but Andrew and I went on a beautiful hike!
It smelled so good up there.

A sad contrast to the beauty—and smell—of the mountains. Utah, get your act together! Your air quality is one of the worst in the entire country! You gave us all respiratory infections when we came! In its defense, Utah is expanding its Trax system, which I think is a brilliant idea that should have been done a long time ago.

Blech. Inversion over Salt Lake City.

A supremely weird billboard encouraging obsessive parenting.

O, Zupas! O ye berry-filled salads that I consumed on multiple occasions!

Turkey avocado somethin' sandwich. This stuff I truly miss. Unfortunately, there are only a few restaurants that I like in Majuro, and fewer that I trust.

The flights, simply put, were awful. Max would scream for the last half hour of the flight (despite our EXTENSIVE knowledge of why babies cry when planes start descending), then fall asleep as soon as we were out the gate. We broke up the flight home by stopping in Hawaii for a few days "to adjust to the temperature change." Ho ho ho. It was so nice.

Went to the Honolulu Zoo again, this time with Andrew.

Played in this area for a long time. Great place.

We drove up into the mountains on Oahu and enjoyed the nice temperature and the beautiful views.

Later that Saturday we went to the Dole Plantation and learned all about pineapples. The issue of forced labor on the plantation was never really addressed, but other than that they did a good job. This picture is of a group of Japanese young adults gushing over our baby. I just think it's kind of weird and mildly funny. Yep, our child is a large Caucasian. Get your cameras out.

Pineapple Express (or something like that). Max was mostly enthralled with the screws on the benches.

The next day, Sunday, after attending the local Honolulu ward (and seeing a returned missionary we knew from Majuro . . . the world is very small!), we went a different way through the mountains (incredible! I want to go on a hike there!) and visited the Laie Temple. It was a paradise within a paradise.

Bird of Paradise

Then we went to the North Shore and watched the surfers and the sunset.

And then we went home to Majuro! I was excited to see if I could sense or smell a difference, and after an initial bad whiff of jet engine smoke, I smelled it. Majuro smells thick and peaceful. What a great feeling to come home (and it wasn't like our trip was bad or anything)!. It was great to see our family and friends, although I also noticed that the constant bombardment of marketing messages made for a very frenetic lifestyle. Without constant attention to media (think Fahrenheit 451) I think I think more, observe more, and worry less because I expect less. I also feel like I engage in real experiences more—talk with more people rather than watching other people talk on the telly. Maybe we just need to unplug to realize how wonderful our lives actually are. Something good to remember for other posts.

The Ocean at Night: Two Crazy Stories

2011-12-17T13:50:00.000+12:00

These are two true events that happened these past few months:

Two men from Kiribati, Uein Buranibwe and Temaei Tontaake, set out to get gasoline from a neighboring island. They had a GPS but the battery ran down and they got lost in the dark. Their engine stopped working and they started drifting.

And drifting.

For 33 days they drifted, eating tuna that they caught with hand lines and resorting to drinking some sea water since it didn't rain much. Sometimes they would go for three or four days before seeing another school of fish. Then they saw an island and tried to maneuver the boat into a current that would take them to it, but they were too weak. The island disappeared as night came. They paddled and paddled until they passed out.

Fortunately, the waves bashed against the boat until it came to the shallower waters of the reef, and they were able to get up on the land, though they couldn't walk very well. One of the men had enough energy and sense to climb a tree and get coconuts to drink. After that they started looking for people. Turns out they had drifted 350 miles to Namdrik Atoll. That is a LONG ways!

Even crazier, they had trouble communicating with the Marshallese (since the Kiribati speak Gilbertese) until they found someone who DID speak their language . . . and she happened to be the daughter of Tontaake's uncle, who had been lost at sea 50 years earlier and had drifted to the same island. The uncle had stayed and married one of the locals.

Buranibwe and Tontaake had to wait for the next boat in order to return to Marakei, because Air Marshall Islands is down. (As in, its one plane needs maintenance and we don't know when it will be working, so boats are the only way to get to the outer islands.) See here for the newspaper article on this story in the Marshall Islands Journal (December 16, 2011).

Morals of the story: 1) read Life of Pi and take notes, and 2) don't go sailing on the ocean at night unless you have emergency equipment AND backup emergency equipment.

Second story:

Last month a man was fishing with some friends on the ocean side of Majuro, near Rita somewhere (Rita's about 15 minutes from our place). They snorkel around, spear the fish, and string the fish to themselves as they go. It was getting dark, so his friends went in, but this man stayed a little longer. Suddenly a shark bit his leg off. Instead of swimming for shore, where he would not be able to see where the shark was coming from, he waited (in salt water!) for the shark to attack again, and he put his spear through it, THEN he swam all the way back to shore.

Geez.

Morals of the story: 1) face your fears head-on, and 2) don't go swimming in the ocean at night!

(Picture I took at twilight off the pier by the bridge)

Yes, We Have a REAL Christmas Tree in the Marshall Islands

2011-12-14T18:05:00.000+12:00

How? The Co-op school here does a fundraiser and for $70 you can get a real evergreen tree. I did it to save the children (and not the trees). This is our first real Christmas tree since we've been married, and I find it strange that this happened in the Marshall Islands. Best part: since we're going parent-ward for Christmas, I split the cost of this unusually luscious and superb-smelling tree with my neighbor, so we get the full pre-Christmas cheer for half the cost.

Of course, you'll notice that we don't have very many ornaments, since we've always had a two-foot plastic tree. You'll also notice that there's nothing within Max's range. Such is life.

By the way, I don't know what other people do, but we feed our tree half water, half Sprite. I think it likes it. I do too. Merry Christmas to aolep!

The Box: System of Review and Memorization Tool

2011-12-11T17:16:00.000+12:00

This is going to be a strange post, I warn you. You'll either like this tool or think it's obsessive. I happen to like it and have benefited enormously from it.

On my mission there was a humble old senior missionary, Elder Watrous, who had a system for memorizing scriptures. It consisted of reviewing a scripture 21 times within a 4-month period. I adapted it to be a little more flexible in case I happened to miss a day (as I did yesterday because of food poisoning). This system can also be adapted to learning a new language; vocabulary and idioms can be put on these cards as well. (I am starting up a Marshallese Box, so I'll let you know how it goes. My Marshallese tutor got dengue and now is busy at work, so I need to do something.)

I followed The Box for most of my mission, forgot about it upon my return (I'm not blaming Andrew, but . . . ), and I just picked it up again in the last few weeks. It is very refreshing and brings back some powerful memories. Some of the scriptures were in Spanish and I remember those words particularly well ("Examinadlo todo. Retened lo bueno"—1 Tes. 5:21).

So, if you dare, this is how The Box works:

Create the following tabs in The Box:

No dividers needed for Stage 1 (reviewing a card every day)
Dividers marked 1, 2, and 3 for Stage 2 (reviewing a card every third day)
Dividers labeled 1–7 for Stage 3 (reviewing a card every week)
Dividers labeled 1–14 for Stage 4 (reviewing a card every two weeks)
Dividers labeled January-December for Stage 5 (reviewing a card once a year)

I probably could have used different colors to delineate the categories a little better, but oh well.

Get a little ring and a hole puncher, and this is how it goes:

Preparation. Write down a scripture or vocabulary words on a 3x5 card—one new card a day. Sometimes I like to make a bunch of them in advance and put them in the front of The Box. Punch a hole in the corner of the card and put it on a key ring (the kind that opens and closes easily—I don't know its technical name).

Stage 1. Every day add a new card to memorize to the ring. Keep that card on the ring for 5 days—look at it or read it out loud for 5 days in a row. I try hard to memorize that particular scripture completely the first day, but you'll be looking at it for 5 days, so there's no pressure. Draw a line on the left side and make a tick mark on it, one for each of the five days. Once you have five tick marks up the side (see picture below), then move the card into one of the Stage 2 dividers—marked 1, 2, or 3 . . . it doesn't really matter which one. I usually put the card in with the cards I'm putting back into that Stage, so I won't see it until I've gone through the rest of the dividers in that Stage and start over again.

Stage 2. The second stage is to look at that card once every 3 days for 24 days, eventually making 8 little tick marks on a separate line at the bottom (see picture again). Once that is done then put that particular card in one of the Stage 3 tabs (marked 1–7).

Stage 3. The third stage is to look at the card once every 7 days. After one month (= 4 tick marks on another line at the bottom), it goes, as you might suppose, in the 1–14 set of dividers for Stage 4.

Stage 4. The fourth stage is to look at that card once every 14 days. After two months (= 4 tick marks again), the card is filed away into one of the monthly categories, January to December.

Stage 5. The Stage 5 cards you only need to look at once a year—at the beginning of the month you review whatever cards are filed under that month, and then you're done until the next year with those cards. By this time whatever was on those cards should be locked in your heart. Elder Watrous had multiple boxes filled with cards that he had memorized. And he had a heart of gold. Correlation does not equal causation, but I believe that listening to holy words can make us better human beings.

Some pictures to help:

Make a little tick mark every day for 5 days on the side (end of Stage 1), then make a tick mark on a longer line every 3 days until you have 8 tick marks (end of Stage 2). (This scripture helps me be more genuine, a valuable trait in the Foreign Service, I think.)

Eventually you'll have 5 tick marks (Stage 1), then 8 marks (Stage 2), then 4 (Stage 3), then another 4 (Stage 4), then a long line up the other side (Stage 5).

So every day during breakfast you can take the cards off the ring, file them (except the every-day Stage 1 cards) where they used to go (or move them to the next stage), and take out the new cards for the day from Stage 2, Stage 3, and Stage 4, making all the new tick marks in the appropriate spot.

For example, one morning I would put cards back in #1 (of the Stage 2 dividers), #1 (of the Stage 3 dividers) and #1 (of the Stage 4 dividers), and get out the cards in #2, #2, and #2. The next day I'd put those back where they were and get out #3, #3, #3. The next day I'd put those back and get #1, #4, #4 (starting over again with the Stage 2 dividers). This is quite difficult to describe, and I don't think I quite do it justice, but again, it's just a tool for memorizing and reviewing. It takes some thought to set up and start, but after that it's quite easy.

Why memorize scriptures? My friend Mary, in the epic Facebook debate TV vs. Reading, brought up a good point while arguing that all forms of communication have merit: the medium of memorized oral communication has largely been supplanted by newer media in our society—why memorize something if I can find it in a book or online in a few seconds? Why memorize a story if I can watch a movie about it?

But discarding this form of communication is perhaps unwise. There is something to be said for strengthening neural networks through memorization—it's like calisthenics for the brain. Who knows, maybe it prevents memory loss when we're older. Besides that, I've found that memorizing scriptures that I like gives me a boost when I find myself getting sad, frustrated, despondent, or lazy. I'll be interested to see how it helps me with my Marshallese, too. A good experiment.

There you have it: The Box.

Fight the Bribe

2011-12-10T22:58:00.000+12:00

We met Astrid while Andrew was attending grad school at the Johns Hopkins (SAIS) sister campus in Bologna. It was so fun being there! I took a couple of Italian courses with the students and got to know some of them pretty well. They are some of the neatest people I have ever met. Astrid is now working in South Sudan, and she wrote about her recent experience with an immigration official. I loved it.

http://astridrnhaas.wordpress.com/2011/12/08/how-honey-helped-me-through-immigration/

Go Astrid!

Merry Christmas? Huh?

2011-12-06T21:54:00.046+12:00

It's EXTREMELY weird to go to the grocery store (passing crabs, coconut trees, and vibrant flowers on the way) and see Christmas decorations up and hear Christmas music on. It's a little trippy. In fact, going to the store is pretty much the only reminder I have that it's the holiday season. It feels exactly the same as it did when we arrived in April, with no real difference throughout the rest of the summer and fall. My good friend in Minnesota had to send us some pretty leaves to help us remember that there was such a thing as fall. Andrew has just come back from an epic trip to Germany for small-post consular training, and he said that he could smell cold when he got off the airplane. I will be interested to see what that's like when we hit Utah.

Because I don't really believe in mailing out Christmas cards (save the trees and skip the stress and the cost!), unless they're accompanied by a more substantive present, here it is!

There you go. I met a very nice guy from Hawaii a few days ago and he couldn't believe that I enjoyed living here. Well, I do, dengue notwithstanding (we're still pouring on the bug spray before we venture anywhere outside, even on the deck—the epidemic has died down, but it's still an issue). We are quite unplugged from the rest of the world—for the last four days our internet was down, and the phone wasn't working consistently either. Since I couldn't Skype with Andrew while he was ALMOST EXACTLY ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE WORLD, I took my old, broken iPod and stood out on the beach to try to catch a wireless signal from neighboring houses. So Andrew and I sent emails for the last few days he was gone (it's the longest we've ever been apart in our 4 years of marriage, and I survived, but barely. I need Andrew like an intense bicycle-riding fish needs a bicycle—that is, I need him). Once a hermit crab climbed onto my toe while I was trying to type with those tiny keyboard buttons (and trying not to drop the already-broken iPod in the sand), and another time I almost did drop the iPod while trying to type and hold an umbrella against the wind (it's still the rainy season).

Anyway, I don't mind being a little unplugged. It helps one think. Step back. Pause. Observe. Analyze. Correct. Start afresh. Think about why I celebrate Christmas and how much I love my family.

Therefore, I wish you all a Consciously Merry Christmas/Sentiently Happy Holiday Season.

"Good": Michael Jackson Parody by Divine Comedy

2011-12-06T01:44:00.000+12:00

For those of you who don't know, Divine Comedy is a BYU comedy group whose shows I frequented quite often; my roommate Mary joined them later on in college and I had an even better reason to go. This is their latest. Mallory did the singing, but I thought Matt did a good job lip synching. It's just fun. And funny. And BYU-ey.

I appreciate people who have the talent to make others laugh—it is a real talent. My English teacher once told us that there is high comedy and low comedy (low comedy being cheap shots, slapstick humor, sarcasm, and some types of body humor; high being satire, clever dialogue, stuff that makes you think, recognize your flaws, and be persuaded to be better). Whatever your definition or tastes in comedy, I hope you enjoy this one.

Out of Chaos, Some Form of Order

2011-12-01T14:55:00.003+12:00

I was surprised and pleased to walk into the living room to find these numbers neatly arranged on the floor. I didn't touch them at all! Maxwell can say the numbers 1–12, 18, 20, and 80 (??). Max's favorite number right now is 5 (although sometimes it's 20) and he carries the number around and repeats it and puts up five fingers. It's a little obsessive, but hey, I'm not going to stop him!

A little later I walked into Maxwell's room and saw the words he had put together. I had showed him how to do it about a week ago (putting "cat," "hi," "read," and the likes together and sounding them out) and he's been making words ever since. They are mostly amazingly long consonant strings ("CKHQSDP"), but these were a little more balanced:

He finally can say at least something similar to "J" (he calls me "amie" or "Gay," but never "Gamie" yet—it's been fun to see the development). He still says "Duh" for "W." Here is Max doing the whole alphabet:

And here is a video I took just a few days ago. About a month ago Max suddenly said "Andrew" on his own—he's always said "Papi" (and so have I, when I'm talking to Max about Andrew). I guess he's just heard me talking to Andrew before. We think it's really cute.

Some random pictures:

Maxwell chewin' on a cob from Laura Farm—so good! What a treat to have it fresh instead of freeze-dried, frozen, or from the can!

Ready to come for a visit to the States! Hooray for R&R!

I Love My 18-Month-Old

2011-11-26T20:45:00.000+12:00

It was too quiet, so I went to see what Max was doing. He had climbed up in the recliner with his favorite A to Z Picture Book (illustrated by Gyo Fujikawa—I HIGHLY recommend this book) and was just quietly reading. What a lucky parent am I!

Maxwell reading quietly next to Andrew in an enormous new chair (see previous post on recent furniture adventures). It's the same book.

Max drinking from a coconut that came all the way from Likiep Atoll. Andrew went there (and Woje) on Embassy business. He might post on it sometime.

I finally bought a bob fruit (pronounced bup—English "pandanus"). Isn't it beautiful? You can chew the segments (called "keys") raw, although the spaces between your teeth will be maddeningly full of fibers from the fruit; you can suck on the boiled keys, which has a slightly different flavor but is much less maddening; or you can squeeze out the pulp from the boiled keys, which is an agonizingly long process if you get the smaller kind of bob, as I did. I should have gotten the cooking bob, which is huge. I made pandanus cake from one of the Wellness Center recipes (thanks Kristin) and it was absolutely delicious and very healthy.

Honestly, if we all just ate pandanus (bob) and breadfruit (ma) and fish (ek) and coconuts (ni and waini), we'd get all of our nutrients. Amazing how it evolved to be that way. And how instead we eat fried chicken and white rice and potato chips and soda. Stepping off of soapbox now.

And here is Max smiling for the camera, though I took a video on purpose because he was acting so funny:

Laura Farm Excursion

2011-11-26T20:15:00.000+12:00

The Taiwanese farm out at Laura (Rita is on the east side of the atoll, Laura on the west) hosted a big fiesta where everybody was allowed to come and eat off the fat of the land. It was wonderful. While driving there (in our own car! It's fixed! This is only the third time we've had battery issues in the last seven months!), I took these random videos of the landscape. I thought somebody out there might appreciate some footage of this crazy geography.

Almost ran over this pig on the way back.
Hey, why did the pig cross the road?
Because nobody was stopping it!

I wish I had the pictures that the Taiwanese gave us from the day, but this will have to suffice:

We got some tasty fresh eggplants and corn—what a treat! They were so delicious. The Laura Farm also kindly donated some pots for me to use for a Young Women activity on gardening. It was great to see all this fresh stuff being grown and distributed.

Awkward Furniture Moment

2011-11-26T19:34:00.001+12:00

Although we really didn't need it and we asked not to have it because we have a toddler, it was always-already deemed proper (please note the snide reference to Althusserian ideology and the careful use of the passive voice) that we be given new furniture. I have now had my first taste of FSO furniture complications (one of which is that there is zero storage space on island, so we can't just reject something we don't like). So here is the before picture (minus the Marshallese wall hangings):

And here is Andrew and Max having fun with the old table once the couches were moved out :

And here is the new look. There was a mix-up of what was supposed to be replaced and what was not. So we've got a white dining table and bookshelves and natural wood furniture. The ugly Christmas rug was not replaced as I would have wished; but it contrasted so awfully with all the other shades of green (4 different shades, and not all of them complementing the others) that I had to switch it with the one in the bedroom.

At least this way there is still room for Max to run around.

(We ended up keeping the white table since we gave away the wicker stuff in order to make room for all these bulky chairs.)

You might say, "Why are you complaining? You get free furniture—really nice, expensive furniture—so be grateful for it." Well, I am still getting accustomed to the my-life-and-my-house-is-not-exactly-mine-anymore concept. I do my best not to be OCD, but some things still make me cringe. I'm not Frank Lloyd Wright or anything, but I do claim some ability to arrange things feng shui-ly.

Our GSO was incredibly understanding (he just got to post and had nothing to do with the order) and very helpful. And perhaps in six months' time we can replace the rest of the white furniture. What a strange new world I live in.

A Prophet + Jamie's Mission President + Warning about Angry Birds = A Better Jamie

2011-11-17T18:42:00.001+12:00

It is only this week that my ward will be watching (in Marshallese) the semi-annual LDS General Conference, which is broadcast at the beginning of October and April. I love Conference. Fortunately, we have a moderately good internet connection, so I've been able to watch most of it, Max permitting.

I've had three favorite talks so far. The first is by our modern-day prophet, Thomas Monson. He has some good and important reminders about some basics that everyone should know. I know that he is a true prophet. How do I know that? Long story. Short answer: I read the Book of Mormon and prayed about it.

The second is by my mission president, Tad Callister (not a mission president anymore—he's now in the Presidency of the Seventy), a very intelligent and very humble man. I was so lucky to be under his leadership as a missionary. In this talk he answers why the Book of Mormon is an important book of scripture in addition to the Bible. It is so good. Don't pass it up! He also answers the question of why there are so many different Christian churches that all have different doctrines.

And the third is by Ian Ardern about the importance of time and how social messages (Facebook, texting, yea, even blogging) can usurp our time when we should be spending it doing better things. It is a fantastic reminder of why we are here in this world. And what in the world I'M doing here on the edge of this world.

President Monson: (click here for the text)

President Callister: (click here for the text)

Elder Ardern: (click here for the text)

Oh Say Can You Say . . . Happy Birthday, Dad!

2011-11-17T18:08:00.000+12:00

My father's been patient with our pets . . . he even sort of liked our cats, eventually, and we'd tease him whenever he would show any sign of affection toward them. He also is much happier at rock concerts, firework shows, and other loud places when he has earplugs. But he DOES go to rock concerts! I think he's been to more than I have . . .

Happy Birthday, Dad! See you soon!

"Thank You for Serving Your Country": A Response to Rick Perry

2011-11-10T17:26:00.000+12:00

"Thank you for serving your country," said the visiting doctor to me last week. I was surprised, confused, then touched. I hadn't considered the Foreign Service to be the same type of service as the military (and yeah, they're quite different), with which I normally associate that phrase, but we are indeed serving our country and promoting America's interests abroad: freedom, the rule of law, cessation or suspension of hostilities, social justice, economic opportunities, not letting terrorists into the country, taking care of visiting or expat Americans, and lots more. There are some intense sacrifices that we make in order to be in the Foreign Service—and the whole family makes them.

Which is why what Republican candidate Rick Perry said has diplomats up in arms—but only figuratively speaking, because we also promote peace, duh.

I highly recommend reading this post about the subject. It is written by Donna, the spouse of a Foreign Service Officer, and I liked it. We're certainly not in this for the money, and we're certainly not in this for the dengue epidemic currently happening in Majuro.

Just because you don't see us doesn't mean we aren't working on your behalf.

Halloween in the Marshall Islands

2011-11-08T13:07:00.010+12:00

Halloween, and the fall season in general, has been very strange. It's the first time I've been so near the equator that there is no division, as I've typically thought about it, between the seasons. Sure, we have a windy season, a rainy season, a dry season, a typhoon-ish season, and a king tide season, but none of those could really be classified as my idea of the fall.

For Young Womens (I'm one of the leaders of the 12- to 18-year-olds girls at church), we were going to have this great Halloween party, and the other weekly activities (called "Mutual") leading up to it would help the girls learn how to plan and prepare for a party. So one week I taught them how to cook, the second week another leader taught them how to dance the hula, and then two days before the party we split up and one group came to my house to make cookies and salt dough ghosts, and the other group made origami bats and decorated the gym.

Making salt dough ghosts.

Making Molasses Crinkles (a blue-ribbon recipe from MamaZ). And yes, there is one boy there, a brother that accompanies his sister because their parents don't want her to be out alone.

Microwaving the ghosts. That's what the instructions said to do.

These made me laugh. The girls decided that ghosts looked like snowmen. My ghost is the one on the far left.

Halloween snacks. I'm doing my best to avoid encouraging sugary treats (besides Molasses Crinkles...they've never tasted molasses, so I had to) and garbage food (I don't know who contributed the chips, but that wasn't planned), so we had veggies, fruit, and popcorn. I know it sounds boring, but out here, fresh veggies are a treat.

You can see the salt dough ghosts/snowmen in the background.

The "decorations."

So there were about 15 young men, young women, or young single adults (YSA) that came. And there were about 10 other adults that were there . . . and then there were the 55 random children who showed up! We almost had enough food for all of them. I didn't want to be the bad guy and say that this was a big kids only party, so to solve the food problem we just had the youth get their snacks before the kids.

We played a doughnut-eating game, musical chairs, cut-the-flour-with-a-knife-and-whoever-makes-the-penny-on-top-fall-has-to-get-it-out-with-their-mouth game, and the balloon-on-the-ankle game (featured below in the video—utter chaos). We also had a few dance performances. It was fun and funny.

That was pretty much my Halloween. Andrew has never liked Halloween, so he played with Max and put him to bed while I was at the church. Everybody has their quirks, and I love him all the more for his.

There was also an Embassy Halloween party on the afternoon of the 31st, but Max is the only child at our post, so we just ate treats and chatted. Max was an innocent Darth Vader. He could make a sound like Darth Vader's breathing (easy to teach—just say "cookie" softly) and his lightsaber sound (a variation on how a bee sounds).

Maxwell's Fears: The Blender and Tigger

2011-11-06T22:02:00.000+12:00

Maxwell has two intense fears right now: the blender and Tigger. In fact, he gets upset whenever we SAY the word blender. If I'm in the kitchen near it and he thinks I'm going to turn it on, he'll start crying, run out of the kitchen, run back in, and try to take my hand and lead me out of the kitchen to save me from the blender.

And Tigger? I guess he's just scared of Tigger's voice. My mom sent a CD of Winnie the Pooh songs, and the first track is of Tigger saying "Woo hoo hoo hoo! The wonderful thing about Tiggers..." etc. Once the volume was up a little loudly and it scared Max, so whenever the CD player goes from track 20 back to track 1, Max knows Tigger's coming...

Jaki-ed Auction and Garden Update

2011-11-06T20:49:00.000+12:00

Andrew and I went to the annual Jaki-ed awards ceremony and silent auction (this was back in September, but I finally got the pictures). Around the room there were about 30 mats hanging up on the walls. All of these mats were made from cut-up pandanus leaves, and each takes hours upon hours to make.

The silent auction was interesting—you just had to write your name on a piece of paper that was under the mat you wanted. If someone else wanted it then they'd write his or her name and a higher amount. All the mats started out at $20 (which is an awful price for how much time and skill it took), and some went as high as $700 (if I'm remembering correctly).

I got a mat. It was done by Enila Horiuchi from the Aillinglaplap Atoll, and I liked hers best of all. All the proceeds from the mats went directly to their makers, many of whom are widows and weaving is how they make their living on their outer islands.

A mat from the 1800s—incredibly well done. Part of the purpose of this auction and bringing in these weavers from different outer islands is to preserve the tradition of weaving that is a part of Marshallese culture. I'd love to learn how to weave at least something simple.

Update on my garden: The #10 cans aren't working out for me so much, but the blue earthboxes are great! My cucumbers have morphed into something amazing!

They started overflowing onto the tomatoes' turf, so I screwed some nails into the wall and hung up the chunks of wire that we had snipped off earlier. Pretty soon that wasn't enough, so I built a trellis (after searching the island for some netting and coming up with nothing) out of twine and little sticks. Now the two plants have crossed the trellis, so I'm not quite sure where they'll go next.

I learned how to pollinate cucumbers. The male flower is the bright yellow that you see there in the front, and the female flower has a mini-cucumber thing behind it.

My moringa tree. It's hanging on, but I'm not terribly hopeful.

Tomatoes about a week or two ago—they are huge now!

I expanded and got some pepper plants, some egg plants, a pumpkin, and I've planted some peas, more lettuce, and basil.

We had a terrific storm that blew salt water onto my dear cucumbers, so the leaves got blasted. They will be okay, I think.

Cucumber plants traversing a sturdy, cheaply made trellis. Those sticks aren't even tied on—they're just woven in. I learned that trick from my first grade teacher, Miss Labrum.

First two cucumbers. They were SO GOOD!!! I've never appreciated them so much in my entire life.

Ode to MacGyver: A Poem in Dactylic Tetrameter

2011-11-03T13:05:00.000+12:00

By Jamie Zvirzdin

Long long ago when the earth was barbaric, wild—
(Oft called “the 80s,” and I but a little child)
Angus MacGyver, reliable knife in tow
Fought against evil—a hero, a dynamo.

Who is this? What? you say, Who is MacGyver?
My friend, I will tell you: the man’s a survivor.

Single and mulleted, ready to spring into
Action with nothing but handfuls of shoelace string
Time is no problem; methodically, quietly,
Guns would be faster, but hey, here’s a battery!

Who is this? What? you say, Who is MacGyver?
A citizen, grandson, good friend, and cabdriver.

Each time he faces a problem he conquers it
Holes leaking acid he staunches with chocolate
Alcohol’s uncool—give him some orange juice
(Meanwhile, he coaxes some spouses to call a truce.)

Who is this? What? you say, Who is MacGyver?
The peacemaker, trailblazer, duct taper, songwriter.

Sometimes he gets shot; a few times he got caught
While trying to pass off some info with microdots
Yet somehow Mac manages, follows his hunches
He takes what he’s given and rolls with the punches.

Who is this? What? you say, Who is MacGyver?
My friend, I will tell you: the man’s a survivor.

An explanation might be in order . . .

Poetry is a dying art. And I don’t really mind its demise. I won’t miss it too much. And yet—it can be really fun. Limericks were always my favorites. You know,

There once was a maid who said "Why
Can’t I look into my ear with my eye?
If I put my mind to it,
I’m sure I can do it.
You never can tell till you try."

(From p. 29 of Your Own Joke Book by Gertrude Crampton. New York: Scholastic Book Services, 1972. My favorite joke book ever.)

Organizing thoughts around a metrical (or non-metrical) form makes you employ all your English skills—builds your vocab, forces you to say what you want to say in different ways—and it gives you a chance to be very philosophical. Or, in this case, purely ridiculous. But the ridiculousness has meter. It is organized ridiculousness. So it’s a fun hobby.

For those who never had a good English teacher who at least mentioned poetry terminology (thanks be to Judy Mac, one of my favorites) or for my younger readers (Michael and Joshua) who haven’t gotten there yet, here is the rundown of poetic terminology:

The basic metrical unit of poetry is called the foot. It usually has one accented syllable plus one or two unaccented syllables. Usually. There are all sorts of exceptions, and nobody is required to stick exactly to a certain meter. In fact, good poets break their own meter to emphasize the meaning behind what they are saying. You can do all sorts of cool things by breaking the rules that you set for a poem. The disruption of a rhythm makes the reader (a good reader) sit up and take notice.

An iamb is an unaccented and an accented syllable together: the SUN | is HOT, | we NEED | to LEAVE. I just did 4 iambs there, so that line would be called iambic tetrameter. Shakespeare mostly used iambic pentameter (5 iambs). He broke his own rules a lot, too.

A trochee is the opposite of an iamb: ONly | YOU can | EAT the | SAL-ad
So that line (brilliantly and laboriously composed—and missing fresh salad here in the Marshall Islands) would be called a trochaic tetrameter.

Those are the duple meters—two beats per foot. Now for the triple meters.

Anapestic meters have two unaccented beats and then an accented beat: da-da-DUM. See my previous poem, Why I Hate Dresses: A Poem in Anapestic Trimeter, for some frivolous anapestic trimeter fun.

Dactylic meters are very rare; my old English textbook said that they belong in a museum. They have an accented beat and then two unaccented beats. DUM-da-da DUM-da-da DUM-da-da (That was three dactyls, so that would be dactylic trimeter).

There are also spondees (two accented syllables together—I dare you to write a poem that way) and monosyllabic feet; the monosyllabic feet are usually just used to break the rhythm or are used as a filler foot.

There. Now you know more about scansion (going through a poem and picking out the meter and how the author breaks it to make a point or give emotive emphasis) than you ever wanted to. But if the creative bug bites you late at night, this is a productive, English skill-building way to pass the hours. I also recommend Merriam-Webster’s Pocket Rhyming Dictionary. It is fun to see how strange English has become.

And yes, I was an English major in college. Some people collect Coke bottles; some people do crafts; some write archaic poetry and watch MacGyver. To each their own. What’s YOUR weird hobby?

Dang Dengue

2011-11-01T20:05:00.000+12:00

This is one map you DON'T want to be identified on. It's all the places in the world where dengue cases are being reported. It's from HealthMap, which coordinates with the Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC...where's the P?).

Dengue is caused by my least favorite creature in the entire universe: the mosquito. As if being bitten and having a violent itchy reaction that drives me up the wall isn't enough, now they are passing on a virus that gives you a major fever, sucks all the fluids from your body, and can make you vomit blood (dengue hemorrhagic fever).

We're up to 74 cases (as of Oct. 31) on this small strip of land we call Majuro. That number is already inaccurate since many cases are milder and go unreported (e.g., a friend in our church had it and didn't go to the hospital). There's nothing to do about it but avoid being bitten. We're putting on more bug spray and encouraging others to put on bug spray and sleep under a net if they have one, but that's about all we can do.

If a person who has dengue doesn't use mosquito spray (and not many do here), then they open themselves up to mosquitoes who then carry the dengue to other people. It is a good example of how people must care about other people in order to stop an epidemic: if you care enough about other people not getting sick, you'll protect yourself.

Pray for us! Dengue is a totally survivable disease, if you treat it right, but I don't want Max to get it.

Be Human

2011-10-29T15:01:00.001+12:00

balance by travel orders

I completely recommend reading this FSO blogger's post about the work-extra-for-show culture that seems to be endemic in the Foreign Service. I love it when Andrew comes home for lunch. I love it when he comes home at a decent hour. And he needs it as much as I do to stay sane on this island. He's wearing so many hats and juggling so many balls in this small post that he will end up in an enormous pile of hats and balls if he doesn't work to achieve a healthy balance. His stress affects me and Max exponentially, so it is also in my best interest to encourage FSOs to be human.

I think FSOs should just trust that their co-workers are diligent and hard-working and carrying their fair share of the load—and they should understand the value of ending the workday when the clock tells them so. They will be better workers overall.

In fact, I would argue that they would be more effective workers since they would need to accomplish more in less time. More time at work doesn't necessarily mean more work done. Nor does it mean that the quality of the work will be better, since some of it may go unsupervised if they stay late. Reducing the pressure to spend more time at work will help the FSOs focus on what is most important and prioritize better.

I am the happy beneficiary of the great international life that the Foreign Service offers. We just need to remember to make sure we have a life.

It would be pretty sad to look back on your life and realize how many reports could have waited until the next morning, and how, as a result, many relationships remained stunted because they were not given as much due diligence.

Be human.

MacWalker/SkyGyver

2011-10-29T14:10:00.002+12:00

Just for fun. 'Sonly funny if you've seen the intro to MacGyver as often as we have.

International Night

2011-10-24T16:21:00.000+12:00

We were invited to participate at Assumption School's International Night. We had dinner with the Ambassador before (fresh tuna steak!) and got there right on time . . . 45 minutes after it was supposed to start. We got front row seats, cordoned off for the ambassadors and ambassador-related people.

This is blurry, but notice the coconuts (and there were cookies next to the coconuts) for our consumption. I appreciated the royal treatment, though I'm not comfortable with it.

I loved how groovy and laid-back these kindergarteners' teacher was. And the transition to rap.

There were several Taiwanese performances. We were asked to do one too . . . maybe next year.

Shark Attack!!

2011-10-24T15:01:00.000+12:00

The title is a little dramatic, but it's true! Remember how I said that I had had a crummy day, what with the dead pig and all? And how Andrew and I were going to make a nice meal and watch MacGyver?

Well, we did have a very nice dinner. We had salad, bread, pomegranate juice, and we learned how to make garlic pepper sauce to put on chicken and wild rice. And meanwhile . . .

There were sharks and eels eating all the garbage and the pig particles right beneath us!

Course, the sharks were six inches long and so were the red eels, but still!

(And sharks DO hunt in groups!)

Heterogeneity Is the Spice of Life

2011-10-19T01:32:00.000+12:00

Andrew came across a fascinating Slate article that suggests that Mormons themselves don't realize how diverse they are, and the "I'm a Mormon" campaign is helping them (and others, of course) see that. The article linked to a profile of a guy named Michael who is bisexual, black, and a faithful Latter-day Saint. I heartily recommend reading his story of how he came to join the Church. It is inspiring.

Michael's "I'm a Mormon" Profile

I feel like a lot of stereotypes about Latter-day Saints are being broken down with the heightened media attention . . . I hope other Utahans get a sense of it too. (Psst—I'll tell you a secret: you can be a faithful Mormon and a non-Republican! No really, it's true! President Faust was a Democrat, and he was an Apostle! You can even vote for Obama in 2012 instead of Romney or Huntsman if you wanted to! Or, if you are a Republican, dyed in the wool, true red through and through, you can still be at peace even though other people have different political views than you. They'll make it to heaven somehow too.)

I think a true Zion is not a place where people are all the same, but a place where they have learned to get along even though they are different. It's not about conformity, it's about becoming the best person you can possibly be according to your individual gifts, opportunities, and desires—and then helping others be the best they can according to what they have chosen.

Heterogeneity is the spice of life. Some spices are mild, some are zingers, some help bring out other flavors, some smell funny, some have healing or soothing properties, some ward off vampires. What's your spice?

I'm ginger—I have a kick to me but I go well with lots of different vegetables all mixed together.

Kind of a Downer Day...The Dead Pig on Our Beach Thinks So Too

2011-10-15T17:04:00.000+12:00

Went kayaking this morning. The waves were calm, the sun was bright, but there was a lot of trash. Plastic bags, lots of diapers, styrofoam cups, plastic bottles, spray cans, plastic silverware. It was a sad sight. The Marshallese have become a throw-away society now. Guess where they learned it from.

Went to the post office at 11:30. Closed for no apparent reason. Two people were just sitting around waiting for it to open. It drives me crazy to sit around and wait for someone to show up—not knowing if they'll show up at all. One of the girls I teach waits for a bus to take her to the other end of the island. It's supposed to come at 8:00 am, but it comes anywhere from 8 to 9 am, and sometimes not at all.

Nest of ants in the car. Andrew doesn't mind them, but I sure do.

Two Marshallese women who had started to come to my house for a Marshallese/Spanish exchange didn't show up, even though they had both said they would a few days ago. Earlier in the week one had called and asked me for money. I feel a little used.

First piano student (that I teach for free) didn't show up.

Second piano student (that I teach for free) didn't show up. Makes me feel a little un-used, which doesn't feel good either.

Dead pig washed up on our shore this afternoon. It smells bad.

Poor pig, bashed up on the shore again and again along with some diapers, styrofoam cups, and a bag of white rice.

You know, just kind of a downer day. You try and participate in a community, and this is what you get in return.

HOWEVER,

Andrew has proclaimed that tonight we will make a good, healthy dinner together, eat it out on the balcony, play a game when Max is asleep, and watch MacGyver.

We will not be having pork tonight.

And to be fair, on Thursday 8 Marshallese young women, 2 adults, and 1 younger brother (who came so that his sister wouldn't have to walk home alone) came to my house for Mutual (definition: an LDS church activity that occurs one night a week; we do service projects, learn things, and have fun).

They are trying to pass off goals for the church's Personal Progress program, so one of those goals was to write down a list of talents that you have and a list of talents that you'd like to have, and then choose one to work on. I then did a cooking demonstration and taught some basic cooking things. We made pumpkin cookies and molasses crinkles. They were a hit.

While the young women (and young man) were helping make the cookies, the conversation turned to the Word of Wisdom and how we all could do a better job of eating less meat as well as avoiding "the big five": alcohol, tobacco, coffee, tea, and drugs. We talked about how when we are slaves to addictive substances we can't hear the soft voice of the Holy Ghost and we relinquish the ability to control our bodies. It was a very good conversation and there was a good feeling in our home.

So there are good things going on too. It's helpful to keep things in perspective.

Goodnight Moon . . .

2011-10-14T10:27:00.000+12:00

What do you think of this modern rendition? I can't say that I'm very fond of Goodnight Moon, but that's because I didn't grow up with it. The colors drive me crazy. But I thought this was fun and insightful . . . and yet still available in an eBook format. :)

Max Is Learning Lots of Things

2011-10-11T20:07:00.000+12:00

(A post for the grandparents)

How to play football . . .

(He's also learning some geography because of the map-mat. When I say "Max, where's China?" or "Where's Mongolia?" He knows where they are because of the animal pictures in those countries.)

How to help his father do the dishes . . .

How to put garbage in either the garbage can and recycling . . . he knows the difference!

How to eat sushi . . .

How to read his Book of Mormon Stories scriptures . . .

How to count to 10 . . .

How to count to 5 on his fingers . . .

How to fish . . . Ernie's way . . .

How to be one with nature . . .

How to sound like a rabbit, a parrot, an owl, and how to giggle . . .

How to ask for a pear by sounding like a parrot . . .

These are a few of my favorite things.

Glad to Have Been a Cougar

2011-10-05T10:44:00.000+12:00

BYU (Brigham Young University) is not for everybody, but it was a good place for me to be. I received a very good education in a beautiful place.

In Which the Wisdom of Jamie is Confirmed

2011-10-01T22:04:00.000+12:00

The inviting, yet dangerous Majuro road

This is a guest post from Andrew, in penance for not listening to Jamie when my subsequent experience truly proved her wisdom and judgment.

"Here is the taxi money," said Jamie as she stuffed two dollars in the pockets of my shorts. I was heading to our local car repairman to drop off our car. Our key was stuck in the ignition and wouldn't come out and our horn was broken. A horn is essential on this island to warn playing children, drunk adults, and stupid dogs. (More on that final group later.)

The shop is less than a mile away from our house, near the airport. I protested to Jamie that I wouldn't need the taxi money because I could just walk home. My dear wife reminded me that the one, narrow road we have on the island is not very suitable for walking, and it would be unsafe. I listened politely, but didn't really intend to take the taxi.

I dropped the car off without incident and started walking down the road. Our mechanic Benny asked with some amount of curiosity if I was going to take a taxi. I said it was a nice day and would just walk. He shrugged his shoulders and went to work on the car.

The walk was very enjoyable. I enjoyed Majuro's strange mix of beauty and refuse:

I also spent some time watching some kids play a game of baseball using pieces of cardboard as gloves and an old baseball. Some other kids nearby had turned a palm tree into a swinging vine. Marshallese children are very creative.

Then as I continued on the road, I spotted three dogs that had it out for me. I remembered that look in their eyes from my newspaper days. But, being a newspaper boy for ten years, I was also ready. They all charged at me, and I faced them head on with my fist down. (Alas, I didn't have a rock or I would have thrown that for sure.) As they ran past me, I turned in their direction and was backing away from the three when a fourth dog came from behind and got a good piece of my right calf. I had somehow had missed the fourth dog; or maybe he appeared only when he saw the fun everyone was having.

I hobbled away and hailed the next taxi.

At home I cleaned out the wounds, but they were pretty deep so I went to the hospital to get some antibiotics, as a preventative measure. My rabies and tetanus immunizations are all up to date (also there have never been any rabies cases on island), so we'll hope for no infection or further complications. Alas, I won't be able to go in the lagoon or play tennis for the next little bit. But, besides a small limp, I am fine. I guess I will need to carry around a couple of rocks with me at all times.

Or just always listen to my wife.

I Heart Sesame Street

2011-10-01T13:27:00.000+12:00

Call me crazy, but I really enjoy watching Sesame Street, with or without Max. This one in particular makes me laugh and laugh.

Some fun things you might not have known about Sesame Street:

Each idea for an episode was extensively researched and tested by educators, child psychologists, and curriculum experts. When Mr. Hooper died in 1982, they decided to have Big Bird talk about it with the other grown-ups instead of recast the role or say that Mr. Hooper moved away. It was a powerful episode. Poor Big Bird also has had to deal with his nest getting destroyed by a hurricane and nobody believing in his friend, Snuffleupagus.

However, when they were testing an episode in which Snuffy's parent Snuffleupaguses (Snuffleupagi?) were going to separate, the children became extremely upset and completely missed the message of "it's okay, it's not your fault" that the show was trying to convey. They never aired the episode. I'm impressed that they didn't. They weren't in it to get an emotional reaction like many television shows do, but to help the kids. Good for them, I say.

You also probably didn't know that Jim Henson (who also played Kermit and Guy Smiley) originally was going to play Bert and Frank Oz (who also played Grover and Cookie Monster) was going to play Ernie, but they were much funnier when they switched. I saw some backstage footage of Jim Henson talking, and I couldn't get over how much he sounded like Ernie and Kermit.

If I were a movie star, I wouldn't consider myself famous until I had been on Sesame Street.

SNL Skit on GOP Debate

2011-09-30T12:34:00.000+12:00

This is very funny if you've seen the debates. Heck, it's funny if you haven't seen the debates.

Oh, the Foods You Will Eat!: Part II

2011-09-26T17:06:00.000+12:00

We have been experimenting with nin, also known as noni, also known as nen, also known as the beach or Indian mulberry, also known as morinda citrifolia, also known as vomit fruit, no joke. We have a nin tree in our yard, and it produces lots of fruit. There are many Marshallese who use this fruit religiously, even eat it raw (though I don't think the younger generation does this as much). There are still no official studies that prove the miraculous properties of the nin, but it's fun to try it out. The three at the top are what they look like when they're almost ripe, the one in the bowl what the ripe fruit looks like:

And below is a close up of the ripe fruit. This is "ready." The fruit stinks to high heaven, both kinds. It's nasty. We learned from our Marshallese teacher, as well as some of the guards, how to let it ferment. It's the strangest thing: the fruit stinks less as it sits on the counter (takes about three days). The juice starts leaking out. It still tastes like vomit, though. The Marshallese use different parts of the tree for various remedies: to stop kids from bed-wetting (put a leaf under their sleeping mats), to help women who just gave birth recover, to help fix bleeding wounds, and to help cure everything from cancer to diabetes to earaches to hemorrhoids to fish poisoning to nausea and vomiting to fixing cavities. Some people take a teaspoon of juice every day. But I won't.

I like orange juice better.

And this is a picture of the last time Kristen and Nathaniel came over. We had such a feast! Kristen brought this incredible cashew gravy, as well as asian cucumbers (or squash, not quite sure), tomatoes, and basil. We potatoes and breadfruit and papaya, too. Miss you, Kristen and Nathaniel!

Earth Box Garden

2011-09-22T13:15:00.000+12:00

When we met for lunch at the Wellness Center a few weeks ago, the director of the center introduced us to the earth box. I had had really good experiences in recent years with my garden in Syracuse and my mother-in-law's garden in Richfield Springs, so it was nice to be reminded that I didn't have to give that up.

I heartily recommend Yuko Carey's post on the subject of earth boxes. She has laid out step-by-step how to create your own earth box garden. She helped me get started on my earth boxes and figured out where to go for seedlings and soil, even though she just arrived here. She is a master in the realm of food and gardening. AND she does graphic design. A very cool neighbor.

Tanner and Kristen also gave me pointers on how to grow excellent tomatoes. They had tomato plants that were enormous.

So here it is so far. A very enjoyable hobby.

Our empty cans of oats being put to good use. They won't last long because the salt in the air eats them up, but at least I can attempt to reuse them. These will be African daisies and zinnias.

Tomato, lettuce, spinach, moringa trees, and aloe vera (that Kristen left me).

My first attempt at growing moringa trees from the stems failed, so I'm happy to see that at least two of the seven seeds are sprouting. I replanted them in the two cans on the right (spinach is on the left).

Two beautiful cucumber plants and two tomato plants (plus a mystery plant) in the other earth box.

Oh, the Foods You Will Eat!

2011-09-20T12:07:00.000+12:00

There was an important harvest festival called the Mid-Autumn Festival or Chinese Moon Festival that the Taiwanese, Chinese, and Vietnamese celebrated. From what I understand, it's akin to Thanksgiving. A friend from Andrew's work gave us the wonderful and interesting gift of these Mooncakes. They have an egg yolk in the center of them. I am woefully unaware of Asian festivals and their meanings. Maybe an Asian post would change that.

In other food news, here is a beautiful display of foods we recently consumed and enjoyed—two papaya (that we let ripen a little too much, I think; for some reason papaya smells bad to me), the green breadfruit (the white spots are waxy sap that Marshallese use as their gum—I tried it and it was like chewing wax that had a slight tinge of flavor), and the local banana.

I started boiling breadfruit for last night's dinner, and when my Marshallese teacher came she said that it's better to steam it. But, with it boiled and mushy, I could still make a really good soup. Coconut curry breadfruit soup. It is honestly one of the most delicious soups I've ever had.

Here's how you make it:

Climb a tree and chop off a breadfruit. It should be yellowy-green and look like a globe.
Boil the breadfruit in salted water. I peeled my breadfruit with a peeler, but I think you can eat the skin if you wash it well.
Chop up leeks or onions or other vegetables and boil them in chicken stock and water.
Go husk a coconut. I used the waini that I had from the Great Coconut Harvest of '11 (see previous post).
Scrape it, bash it open, and grate it.
Add water to the coconut flakes, swirl it around, squeeze the flakes and put them in a separate bowl for later. Strain the milk out.
Add a few tablespoons of cornstarch to the coconut milk and as much curry as you want.
Put the boiled, slice breadfruit and the chicken in the boiling chicken stock-and-leek water, then add the milk mixture. If you really wanted to make this a Marshallese meal, use fish instead of chicken.
Add salt, pepper, garlic powder, and whatever else you want to taste.
Pass out with sheer joy as you eat this incredibly delicious yet cheap meal.

Nini taking some home with her in a coconut shell.

I like living here.

Flying Trees and 123 Coconuts on My Deck

2011-09-20T11:10:00.000+12:00

When he makes his rounds, one of the guards usually covers his head as he walks by our house because coconuts have a propensity to fall there. We put in a request that the coconuts be knocked down, but this request somehow morphed into the death warrant of two trees—three if you count the one they chopped down next door. Fortunately, we have lots of trees around our place, and I guess it's good to be safe. It was so strange to see an entire coconut tree flying away.

Some of these pictures were taken by Edel (used with permission), our guy at the Embassy who saves us from disasters time after time and makes sure we don't get knocked off by coconuts.

It was a lot of fun watching them remove the trees with a crane. Then they cut down the coconuts from the rest of the trees. There were SO MANY COCONUTS!! I couldn't bear to let them go to waste, so I hauled (and had help hauling) 123 coconuts up onto my deck to escape the clutches of the coconut crabs and ants.

Dennis, who helps run the Wellness Center here in Majuro, sold me this neat contraption that cores a green coconut so you can tip the milk out of it. However, it only worked well with a certain type of coconut; that is, you have to know the age of the coconut to determine the best way to eat it.

Therefore, I learned quite intimately the different stages of the coconut. This list is pulled from page 44 of Surviving Paradise by Peter Rudiak-Gould (a book I'd recommend to anyone interested in the Marshall Islands):

There were at least eleven words for coconut, specifying different stages of growth:

kwalinni: just beginning to grow on the tree
ubleb: larger but still immature
ajin aulaklak: almost ready to drink
uronni: ready to husk and drink
mejoub: a bit too late to drink
manbon: starting to get brown, with the meat starting to harden
waini: ready to be husked and the meat removed
tobolaar: fallen off the tree, starting to sprout
iu: sprouted, with the spongy innards now edible
debweiu: sprouted more, too late to eat the inside
jokiae: turned into a coconut sapling, much too late to eat

Thank you, Peter, for this list; I was then able to ask a few of the Marshallese workers and guards if they could help me identify the uronni. They said that it was still okay to drink mejoub and on up to waini (waini still has some coconut milk left in it), so I took that to mean that I should at least try to harvest those too. That's how I ended up with 123 coconuts on my deck. I cored and drained about 30 uronni, and then found that it was ridiculously difficult to try to core the mejoub and especially the manbon.

Now, what to do with about 90 coconuts . . . My Marshallese teacher threw some away because the husks were compromised from the long fall onto the coral rocks, but there were still about 80 of them. She said that for the bigger and browner ones I could wait until they turned into waini, and then husk, scrape, and grate the meat out. Well, the ants were already forming a line, I wanted my deck back, and just husking one waini is a difficult chore, so I called up Kristen and asked if the Wellness Center wanted some . . . a lot of . . . coconuts. Dennis had a coconut husker, and they provide excellent healthy meals for the people to help them combat or prevent diabetes, so Kristen and her husband took about 70 of the coconuts. The rest are in a pile in our yard ripening.

I got about 3 gallons of coconut milk; some I froze in containers and others I made into popsicles. They were a little strong, but still tasty. I don't consider myself a coconut expert by any means, but I do have a great appreciation for this tree of life, as it is often called.

And I'm not the only one who appreciates the coconuts . . .

Molasses Crinkles, Oats, and Max's Darth Vader Impression

2011-09-14T21:05:00.010+12:00

I was making Molasses Crinkles, my favorite cookie (Andrew's mom won a blue ribbon for them at the county fair!). Max liked it too.

Max has been able to express his desire for our regular breakfast foodstuff for at least a month now.

I promised I'm not obsessed with Star Wars; I just think it's funny. I had a Darth Vader shirt that I wore growing up too.

Angel Fish and Rolling Tropical Storms

2011-09-13T21:08:00.001+12:00

Here are a few of my pictures from our coral reef. Boy, how are we ever going to leave this place? We have been spoiled rotten for our first tour with all this open space.

Cleaner fish? Or false cleaner fish? Or, um, neither? I need to work on my fish recognition.

I love this purple-tipped coral.

There are lots of these angel fish around.

Here's another angel fish.

And here was an incredibly beautiful and powerful storm that rolled in from the south. I saw it when I was on my walk with Max and kept my eye on it as it covered the blue sky. We get some great storms here.

Food, Tapeworms, and Friends

2011-09-11T21:01:00.000+12:00

Here is a picture of the local eggplant. Andrew said that the Taiwanese farms down in Laura have plants that produce these eggplants every week. They are fun tiny little guys, and Max weirdly loves them.

Homemade focaccia bread. Made even better by fresh basil that my friend Kristen brought. She comes over for lunch sometimes and Max and her son have a fantastic time playing (and we have a fantastic time talking and eating). She and her husband help run the Wellness Center (which is funded primarily by the Seventh-Day Adventist Church and their fantastic outreach programs); their purpose at the Wellness Center is to help change lifestyles, particularly in what foods we eat. One in three Marshallese has diabetes, so the knowledge about how to eat right and what to eat is very needed. Garbage food is cheap, very cheap here (and greatly contributes to the garbage problem!), and stuff like white rice and Spam are consumed in massive quantities. You should see the Spam aisle in the grocery store. The Wellness Center also disseminates information about how to prepare local foods (I got some great recipes!) and how to create your own earth box so you can grow your own vegetables. I'll post more on these earth boxes later; they are flaming awesome. I have a garden now!!!

Two weeks ago Kristen showed me the reef at the end of Rita at low tide. We saw tons and tons of brittle stars and these super weird worm monsters that looked like tape worms on steroids. The water was icky, but I really liked seeing little fish in the tide pools and the brittle starfish. They did indeed look brittle. They felt very poky. I did not touch the tapeworms on 'roids.

After that we had a delicious picnic under the shade of some coconut trees and Max got about 50,000,000 stickers from the local weeds that I had to pick off later. It was a delightful outing, however; I really feel like there have been key people here that have shown me how to live here happily and use and enjoy the resources at hand. Kristen has definitely been one of those people. I will hate to see her leave next week.

The American Jobs Act: Speech by the President

2011-09-10T07:58:00.000+12:00

I am Jamie and I approve his message.

Or read the transcript here.

On Womanhood and Motherhood

2011-09-07T21:18:00.000+12:00

I listened to a podcast yesterday that solved something deep within me. It was a fascinating discussion about our choice of words surrounding the topic of motherhood. The panelists were three happy, well-educated, active LDS women who are also mothers. They are not against the Church nor its principles, but they suggest that we can be wiser in our rhetoric concerning women and motherhood. I suspect this issue does not only affect those in the LDS church, but the podcast was specifically discussing women in the LDS church, just FYI.

Click here for the link to the full podcast.

Here is part of the podcast's synopsis, as found on the Mormon Stories website:

"They [the three panelists] discuss ways to place motherhood more squarely in the context of women’s intrinsic worth and recognize how this value cannot be so fully tied up in motherhood. The period of intense mothering of children through early adulthood occupies a relatively small portion of a woman’s lifespan, so her sense of worth must be centered in something more.

"Furthermore, since many, many couples struggle with infertility, and many women never marry nor have the opportunity to be a mother, “motherhood” cannot be the end-all, be-all of a woman’s existence, nor the primary way she measures her success, value, or femininity."

LDS women try so hard to do what is right (obviously others do too, but this podcast and blog post specifically addresses women in the LDS church), but when what is 'right' for a woman is too narrowly defined, even if done with good intentions, it can leave a woman feeling unsatisfied and unbalanced. This is how I have felt. It is neither the fault of my mother nor my Young Women leaders nor the other leaders in the Church that I have felt this way.

On the contrary, my mother was excellent in helping me experience all types of education: I enjoyed various activities or classes on swimming, cooking, skiing, learning Spanish in first grade and German in fourth grade, piano lessons, math camps at the U of U and science camps at BYU, ballroom lessons, traveling, and others. I thank her for helping me learn those things, and now as a mother I can STILL enjoy them: I swim quite often now, I cook, I—well, I can't snow ski in the Marshall Islands—I used my Spanish yesterday with my friend from Costa Rica and I had to decipher something in German last week, I teach piano lessons every week, I edit science articles for Atomium Culture, I taught ballroom lessons to the Marshallese youth a few months ago, and I am and will be traveling A LOT . . . there are so many good things to learn and so many opportunities to apply what I have already learned! I can do any and all or none or some of them! And I can enjoy them all and still be a "good wife" to my Andrew and a "good mother" to my Max. Not perfect—never perfect, that's not the point—but I take care of their needs and they take care of me. And I am myself. I am Jamie.

So I am speaking generally and culturally. This rhetoric problem is not something that we consciously try to do. But it is something to be aware of. We live in a day of words, and words have power and unintended consequences. We spend so much energy defining girls and women in Young Women's and Relief Society and wherever else that they have no room to find out what they can offer the world besides bearing and raising children. We are anxious about women and young girls trying to define themselves. We teach women to please and to give of themselves as a way to show their worth.

This focus on pleasing others before self (aka sacrifice) and on performance to determine one's value is not conducive to a happy woman. (Please note that I never say that a mother shouldn't sacrifice. That's not what we're talking about here. It's about the words we use to motivate women to be better.) We should instead be teaching women to progress on all levels, and the goal should be to become like Jesus Christ. Jesus might have suffered and sacrificed, but he was not a masochist. A masochrist, if you will.

In fact, we err when we praise mothers too much for their suffering and their sacrifice. In praising them, we can actually come to define them even more narrowly—that is, mothers are continually praised for their suffering and their sacrifices, so therefore a mother must = suffering + sacrifice. Not very appealing! I'll be the first one to say that I personally have experienced both of those things as a mother, but it is very grim to be reminded of it every Mother's Day! I sometimes think Mother's Day (and Father's Day) should be more like Valentine's Day and less like Veteran's Day. I would much rather hear Maxwell say, "I wuv you and here's a drawing I made for you" instead of "I'm sorry I caused you pain and suffering."

We all agree about the truth of the importance of families, of mothers, of fathers—that's not the point here—but we need to refine the way we are delivering that message. We need to shift the definition of a woman from being synonymous with culturally defined (and sometimes self-destructive) concepts of femininity and motherhood. We should shift that definition to say that women are individuals that are divine and that have many talents to share with the world . . . and one of those talents is nurturing. The LDS Church's Proclamation on the Family is wide open on this subject. It says that mothers are to 'nurture': this can be done in so many, many ways.

Just as we don't say that God is done speaking to the world and can say nothing more than the Bible, let's not shut off all the ways women can nurture. One woman may be particularly good at gourmet cooking; another may despise it (I name no names, Catherine Z!) but she still can feed her children the nutrition they need and her husband often chooses to help, especially when the fire alarm goes off. And (not 'yet') she is one of the greatest human beings I know. She is herself. Another woman I know here in Majuro entirely divests herself of anything to do with cooking, because her husband loves to cook and she hates it.

Andrew and I talked a lot about who-does-what in the house before we got married. And because we were in accord and we both feel like we have equal duties—or better said, agreed-on duties—in the house, we have a very harmonious marriage. Am I less of a mother because I don't wash the dishes as much as Andrew does? Nope. Am I less of a woman? Nope. Is Andrew less of a man? Nope. We are not defined by household tasks. Our value is not predicated on performing them.

One commenter on the podcast ('Ziff') said this: "I loved this podcast! One point I particularly liked was made by (I think) Jennifer Finlayson-Fife about how difficult it is to be told by the Church not only *what* you should do (be a mother, right now, preferably a SAHM [Stay-At-Home-Mom], have lots of kids, etc.) but how you should *feel* about it. How exhausting to have your emotional reaction prescribed too: You should *love* this experience, or else!"

I personally appreciated this comment because there are aspects of being a mother that I DON'T LIKE AT ALL. I hated the birth process. With or without pain medication. I never felt so awful and so invaded in my entire life. I hated getting up to feed Max at night and I continue to hate crying that lasts for more than two consecutive minutes. But because any discussion of these things that we don't like can be seen as a subversive attempt to say that motherhood is anything less than divine, we are kindly shushed. If you love everything about what normally comes with being a mother, great; good for you. I am happy for you. Honestly, I am. But let others express their struggles without trying to shush them up or, most importantly, without judging them as "less worthy" or less of a mother or less of a woman.

Another good point brought up in the podcast is that we often say that motherhood is to women as the priesthood is to men. I don't this we should do this. We should instead say that motherhood is to women as fatherhood is to men. This is because all men, if they are worthy, can receive the priesthood. However, all women, even though they might be worthy, cannot be mothers.

Sister Chieko Okazaki, who was first counselor for the General Relief Society Presidency for many years, said this:

"Here are two quilts. Both are handmade, beautiful, and delightful to snuggle down in or wrap around a grandchild. Now look at this quilt. It’s a Hawaiian quilt with a strong, predictable pattern. We can look at half of the quilt and predict what the other half looks like. Sometimes our lives seem patterned, predictable in happy ways, in order.

"Now look at this second quilt. This style is called a crazy quilt. Some pieces are the same color, but no two pieces are the same size. They’re odd shapes. They come together at odd angles. This is an unpredictable quilt. Sometimes our lives are unpredictable, unpatterned, not neat or well-ordered.

"Well, there’s not one right way to be a quilt as long as the pieces are stitched together firmly. Both of these quilts will keep us warm and cozy. Both are beautiful and made with love. There’s not just one right way to be a Mormon woman, either, as long as we are firmly grounded in faith in the Savior, make and keep covenants, live the commandments, and work together in charity."

From "Strength in the Savior."

I love Sister Okazaki's last sentence. Its focus will help a woman be happy—intrinsically happy without looking for external input to determine personal value. I particularly like the last phrase, "work together in charity." Parenthood is work, that is for sure. A work of love. A woman focusing on the things she mentioned in that last sentence will help that woman be not just herself, but be her better self naturally, calmly, slowly, without pressure from anyone's definition.

So appreciate whatever kind of quilt you are, even if you happen to hate making quilts (I like making them, but not too often). Don't put yourself on a shelf if you become a mother. You will need yourself more than ever.

CHECK THE TIME, YO

2011-09-03T05:44:00.003+12:00

Dear Anyone that Is in Any Way Associated with Andrew's Job:

DON'T CALL US AT 4:00 IN THE MORNING!

The phone has an inordinately loud ringer, our heartrates skyrocket, and I can't get back to sleep. Thankfully, Max has not yet woken up because of these calls.

Emergencies I understand. But there has only been one emergency call, and that was when an American was in the hospital. That's part of Andrew's job. That I understand.

To help you understand that there is a different time out here, I have set up these clock widgets:

Majuro

Washington

They will be available on the side bar of this blog, so feel free to come back and check the time in Majuro whenever you like. And BEFORE you call.

Trip to Kwajalein: Ebeye, Sharks, Sea Turtles, Snorkeling, and Sunrises

2011-08-30T16:42:00.000+12:00

Andrew had a bunch of meetings in Kwajalein, an atoll in the Marshall Islands where a US missile base is located. Since he would be gone for five days, and I don't like living without him (how are we ever going to do an unaccompanied tour?!), Max and I packed up and went with him. I am very happy we did. I never get tired of seeing our atoll from above, so here is our takeoff.

The southeast corner of the atoll.

The northeast corner (we're turning around because Kwajalein is northwest of Majuro).

Some of the outer islands of Majuro.

The base was fascinatingly different from Majuro. I think the best word to describe it is "sterile." Not necessarily in a bad sense; the island was really clean, I could swim without fear, and the grass and trees were well-manicured. I found a lot of things in the stores that were either not available in Majuro or that were incredibly expensive in Majuro. I could drink water from the faucet. We even watched a show in their outdoor theater.

Ebeye ("ee-bye"), in contrast, was worse off than Majuro. Here is a peaceful-looking view of it (and little islands before it) from the edge of the base:

My friend Sarah loaned me a very interesting book entitled Meļaļ, by Robert Barclay. It's on Google Books, I discovered, should you want to read it there. It gives superb insights on the relationship between Ebeye and Kwajalein, between the Marshallese and the Americans. The book is pretty crude in some places, which I didn't appreciate, but it accurately depicts (according to what I know and what I saw, which admittedly is not much on both accounts) the setting and the specifics of this strange parasitic—and at the same time symbiotic—relationship. In the end I was edified and resolved to be a better human being.

As you can see from these pictures that Andrew took during a tour of Ebeye (Max was sick and I decided not to go lest he throw up in somebody's lap . . . again), Ebeye would not survive without the jobs, the supplies, and the income that the US military base provides for them. They have nothing to survive on. The place is supremely overcrowded, there are very few plants and trees, and life is hard there. And let's not forget the heat, constant wind notwithstanding.

The open dump.

This is a private docking area for Imata Kabua, the Irooj of Kwajalein. He receives the lease money from the US government because he technically owns the land. He has millions and millions and millions of dollars.

Meļaļ is an archaic Marshallese word that means "a playground for demons." I sincerely hope that American and Marshallese leaders can make good decisions that will affect the people of Ebeye for the best. Strangely, all the Mormon missionaries I have talked to say that their time on Ebeye was really special—the people are amazing, they try so hard and share so much, despite the poverty—so perhaps Meļaļ isn't a complete description anymore. I think of this now when I think of Ebeye. It's pretty powerful.

It's still not clear whether it was a virus, a new bacteria in his gut, or a sudden change in diet, but Max had intense diarrhea while we were on Kwajalein. We thankfully had scheduled a checkup with a doctor before we came, so we were able to confirm that nothing was seriously wrong. She also gave Max the two vaccinations that weren't available in Majuro, vaccinations for Hepatitis A and chicken pox. Um, glad we did that!

Maxwell also got dehydrated despite our attempts to make him drink, and he threw up all over Andrew while we were riding in a golf cart with another person Andrew was supposed to meet with. Fortunately the blast was contained—Max was facing Andrew, so it just got all over Andrew and not over the golf cart or Andrew's colleague.

Major Mills and Colonel Gaines were very considerate of us. Major Mills and his wife, a very sweet woman from Cambodia, let us borrow their portable crib and some blankets. I thought that was above and beyond the call of duty. Colonel Gaines noticed how happy I was to be eating at Subway (Kwajalein has a small food court) and he took a picture of us in front of the sign. It was indeed a real treat to eat fresh fruits and vegetables. Their Cafe Pacific was a tiny bit like Chuck-a-Rama (gag all you want, I love that place) with lots of choices and tasty morsels, so despite eating healthy stuff, I—uh—didn't lose any weight while I was there. O ye of America, appreciate what you have! Eat your vegetables!

One highlight of the trip were these nurse sharks! They gather by the dock and wait for people to feed them unwanted fish parts. As you can see by the railing, it's not very well protected. It was crazy to be so close to them without any supervision from anybody. We kept good track of Maxwell, don't you worry. Here are some fabulous videos.

Another highlight was the sea turtle pond! There were two sea turtles, along with some colorful fish, and there was nobody who said I couldn't touch them, so I did.

We learned a little about the war history of this place. Because it was a strategic location in World War II, there was a bitter battle on Kwajalein between the U.S. and the Japanese. This memorial is to those Japanese soldiers who died on Kwajalein.

A leftover bunker or foxhole from the battle.

These neat-o flowers were everywhere.

We got up early (not of our own accord . . . Max got us up) and watched a few sunrises on the ocean side. It was so nice to see a clean ocean-side beach. Usually the beaches in Majuro are so covered with trash and feces that it's just not worth it.

This was a stained-glass window in the open chapel that is open to all denominations. I still don't know how I feel about it, the window I mean. I just hope we're always on the defensive side. If all else has failed, e.g., diplomacy. Because the Kwajalein LDS branch is so small we had an air-conditioned room somewhere else. There were about twelve of us that Sunday.

The members were really nice and offered to send us stuff once in a while if we couldn't get something. We later went to the Parkers' house, once just to visit Florence for fun (while Andrew was at meetings) and another for their son's birthday party. I showed them how to open a coconut (waini). I thought that was a pretty good gift, a gift of knowledge so they could take advantage of a free food source, but the Parkers trumped it easily by serving strawberries, blueberries, and raspberries along with the cake. Oh, man. They were so good. Thanks, Parkers.

Andrew, Max, and I went exploring in the golf cart and found this junk. It's too bad it's junk, but it was really cool-looking junk, all monolithic and rusted.

Visiting the turtle pond again.

Another sunrise.

Drinking and driving. Max loved the golf cart.

Swimming at the beach was so very nice. We bought an underwater camera (my Christmas present) and started trying to figure it out. Here's Andrew's post on it. He'll be putting some of his best pictures and videos there on his kayaking blog. We're going to have a lot of fun with it. We're still learning how to set the white balance underwater. There have been so many cool things to see underwater, so perhaps now we can show you a little more of that now.

Forgot to rotate the picture, sorry.

Clown fish hiding in the coral. I feel like we experience "Finding Nemo" over and over out here. Jellyfish and all.

One of our first videos underwater. Although it's not perfect quality, you get a good sense of what it's like.

Sea cucumbers, I think. These are heavily harvested in Majuro. Andrew ate one once. Not very tasty, he said. Not surprised, I say.

A beach with places to sit, a clean bathroom, a hose to rinse off with, clean water, barbeque pits, garbage cans, lots of shade. Yes, America has got some things right. Thank you, Kwajalein, for the reminder of some of the things I appreciate.

A Bit of This and That

2011-08-29T18:23:00.000+12:00

Swimmin' off the port bow.

Ready to kayak

If only it were that easy.

At a Taiwanese/Marshallese talent show.

Picture that Andrew surreptitiously took. This is how I spend many happy evenings. That or watching MacGyver with Andrew.

And let's not forget the fantastic storms we get almost every day. It's been raining a lot harder lately. Last week we had some doozies that turned into typhoons farther west. Andrew talks more about kayaking in it on a recent blog post of his. There are some absolutely fantastic storm pictures and videos there, so I highly recommend it.

Love Songs: A Critical Analysis

2011-08-25T20:38:00.000+12:00

I was in the grocery store today (just got back from our Kwajalein TDY trip—more on that another time) when I heard Bruno Mars’ song “Grenade” for the first time. I’d never heard it before and I started laughing and laughing. I actually thought it was an 80s song (and you know how I love 80s songs), but it came out in 2010. Our expressions of love are so very distorted. And increasingly obsessive. It’s turned into a “I would do x for you if I had your love.” But x, it seems, is becoming less and less attractive to women as it changes over time. Look at how these songs one-up each other through the decades:

1988: The Proclaimers in “I’m Gonna Be” (aka “500 Miles”) said this:

If I get drunk, yes I know I’m gonna be
I’m gonna be the man who gets drunk next to you
And if I haver [Scottish: to talk foolishly] yeah I know I’m gonna be
I’m gonna be the man who’s havering to you.

But I would walk 500 miles
And I would walk 500 more
Just to be the man who walked 1000 miles
To fall down at your door.

When I'm working, yes I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who's working hard for you
And when the money comes in for the work I do
I'll pass almost every penny on to you.

When I come home (When I come home!), well I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who comes back home to you
And if I grow old (When I grow old!) well I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who's growing old with you.

To be fair, this man will work hard and be faithful, although he might be drunk and stupid in the meantime. And I’d rather he’d give me a foot rub than walk 1000 miles for me.

1991: Then there’s Bryan Adams’ “I Do It for You,” which intensifies x exponentially:

There’s no love like your love
And no other could give more love
There’s nowhere unless you’re there
All the time all the way.

Ohhh you can’t tell me it’s not worth tryin’ for
I can’t help it—there’s nothin’ I want more
I would fight for you—I’d lie for you
Walk the wire for you—yeah I’d die for you…

Ya know it’s true
Everything I do—I do it for you.

Whenever I hear this song I think, “Really? Everything you do?” Some of my old friends in high school used to sing this: “Yeah, I would sigh for you, I’d bake a pie for you/Walk half a mile for you, yeah, I’d doggie-pile for yoouuuuu.”

2010: And here are some of the lyrics for Bruno Mars’ “Grenade.” Welcome to our modern concept of love:

To give me all your love is all I ever asked
‘Cause what you don’t understand is
I’d catch a grenade for ya
Throw my hand on the blade for ya
I’d jump in front of a train for ya
You know I’d do anything for ya

Ohhh I would go through all this pain
Take a bullet straight through my brain
Yes, I would die for you baby
But you won’t do the same.

If my body was on fire
Ooh, you’d watch me burn down in flames
You said you loved me, you’re a liar
‘Cause you never ever ever did, baby.

But darlin’ I’d still catch a grenade for ya . . .

Here, x has been intensified to such a degree of pain and suffering that love gets shoved to the side. Or blown up by a grenade. Or stabbed, mangled, shot, or burned.

What all these men should really know is captured in my rewritten chorus to “Grenade”:

I would wash the dishes for ya
Child vomit I’d clean up for ya
I’d avoid alcohol for ya
You know I’d keep myself just for ya.

Ohhh I’d come home at decent hours
And sometimes I’d bring you flowers
Yes, I’d still take you out Friday night,
And I would do what’s right.

It’s not as emotive, perhaps, nor does it call up intense superhero-like scenes, but that’s the kind of man I wanna be with. I’m not saying that I don’t appreciate protection from my man, but sometimes it’s harder to do the simple, calm, monotonous things in life than one great big noble martyr-ish feat.

I must tell you that Andrew is at this very moment doing the dishes, one variant of x that tells me that he really, truly loves me. What a guy. I love him so much that I'd . . . I'd . . . catch a grenade for him WHILE cooking apple crisp AND giving him a foot rub. Beat that, Bruno.

Mysteries of the Universe

2011-08-19T15:45:00.000+12:00

I discovered why in the world this one post I did back in 2009 for my Dad's birthday has been so popular. You see, it's been a tradition for the past few years that I do some sort of random Photoshopped picture of the family member whose birthday it is, and I post it on my blog. But I couldn't figure out why this post was so popular (now the numbers will be all skewed but they were wonky anyway). It outnumbers all other posts by almost 800 views.

Turns out that it's the most popular image on Yahoo if you search for "happy birthday dad quotes." The internet is a weird, weird beast. And now my dad is famous.

Language acquisition is another wonderful mystery. Max has been doing extraordinarily well with his letters and numbers. He's 15 months old and knows all the main sounds of the alphabet except J. Why J? It is because I've been referring to myself as "Jamie" instead of "Mom" (don't judge; you raise your kids the way you want, I'll raise them my way—the reason why has to do with Althusserian philosophy and Louis Althusser (a French Marxist)'s concept of interpellation—aka "the hail." Look it up sometime. If you like, blame my BYU Critical Theory teacher for teaching it to me. I may be an always-already subject anyway of our culture's views of mothers, but at least I know it!!).

And because I usually say "J is for Jamie" and "M is for Max" Max now points to himself whenever I ask, "What does the letter J say?"

See for yourself. I got these great styrofoam letters from a puzzle-like mat set, but since Max makes a mess pulling them all up, I put the mat part away for now. Max had trouble with the G when I recorded this, but he now has all of them down except the J.

And here's some more of Max and the alphabet (the mat is from a fun Dr. Seuss game we have):

And because you've read this far, I'll reward you with some more of Max's table dancing.

And this is a song that my grandpa would sing. I think the lyrics originally said "whiskey" and not "rootbeer."

Usually Max tries to make himself hiccup at the appropriate moment in the song and manages some sort of weird sound.

Another unsolved mystery of the universe? How to cure the hiccups. I don't think anybody's come up with a good, dependable, universal method yet. Or am I behind the scientific times on this?

And for All This, Nature Is Never Spent

2011-08-14T00:05:00.000+12:00

There is a poem that states exactly how I feel about the Marshall Islands, and in particular, about our trip last week to Eneko, one of the small outer islands of Majuro Atoll. Says Gerald Manly Hopkins in "God's Grandeur":

The world is charged with the grandeur of God.
        It will flame out, like shining from shook foil;
        It gathers to a greatness, like the ooze of oil
Crushed. Why do men then now not reck his rod?
Generations have trod, have trod, have trod;
        And all is seared with trade; Bleared, smeared with toil;
        And wears man's smudge and shares man's smell: the soil
Is bare now, nor can foot feel, being shod.

And for all this, nature is never spent;
        There lives the dearest freshness deep down things;
And though the last lights off the black West went
        Oh, morning, at the brown brink eastward, springs—
Because the Holy Ghost over the bent
        World broods with warm breast and with ah! bright wings.

(Poem from here.)

Take a look at these pictures!

On the boat getting ready to go to Eneko. For $25 a person for boat rides there and back and an island to ourselves, this was a fantastic deal.

Andrew, Austin, and Adrian. Austin was the intern for the Embassy this summer. He just went back to BYU. We will miss him. He did great work at the Embassy and he also helped me out a lot at church on Sundays because he could play the piano. He served a Marshallese-speaking mission in Hawaii, so he was enormously helpful language-wise too. Adrian is a technological mastermind. Solid guy. Beat us in Settlers of Catan last week. He brought homemade sushi on this Eneko trip that was just incredible. Just the thought of that sushi is making my mouth water right now.

Good view of one of the ships in the lagoon.

Maxwell slept in my arms for the 25-minute boatride. The trip there itself was beautiful and really relaxing.

Pandanus trees.

I love the roots of the pandanus tree.

When we got to Eneko we explored a little bit. On our way across the island to the ocean side, I saw this perfect Dr. Seuss tree. I'm calling it the South-Leaning Zvirzdle Tree.

Oceanside. There isn't much sand, just hardened rock and coral that's been slammed together by the waves. It was really slippery there too.

Bushwhacking on the trail (I can imagine how difficult it is to maintain a trail in such a dense tropical area).

Pandanus fruit has these green and orange segments that you rip off, chew, and suck. You can buy pandanus juice in town, but off the tree was tastier to me. However, just like the little strings from corn on the cob, but a thousand times worse, the thick fibers get stuck in your teeth. I spared you the picture.

Max gnawing on a pandanus segment. He loves that stuff in any form.

Picture of the island from the kayak they let us use. The current gets strong just to the left of the island, so you have to be careful.

Not Photoshopped in any way, no special camera filters.

We took turns taking care of Max and snorkeling. Poor Max, despite our multifarious efforts to keep bug spray on him, got 20 mosquito bites. We did our best! Promise! He's okay now, though he reacts as violently to mosquito bites as I do—they swell up and get all blistery. Sweet blood, I say. He had a good time swimming, too.

You can't tell from this picture, but the coral was vibrant and beautiful, with a lot more variety than on our side of the lagoon. The water was much clearer, and the fish were absolutely incredible. Sure wish I had an underwater camera. I swam with some squid! I saw purple fish with brown spots and brown fish with purple spots! Neon-colored fish! A massively long fish and fat parrot fish! The Gruzzle-McFuzzle fish! It was so fun.

Later, after lunch and more snorkeling, we took a walk down to the end of the island (to the left, where the current gets rough). I guess these two posts were part of an old dock or something, but it was a great shot.

And just around the corner . . . it wasn't as pretty. It was more like how I picture Idaho. When the current is high the reef is all covered. Despite its melancholy-ness, there were these neat purple oblong things that I liked. I don't think they are shells, and I'm not sure they're coral. But anyway, I think they are beautiful.

After a whole day of playing we went back to the mainland. Main strip of land, that is. In these final pictures, which are a little more sobering, you can see that what seems like paradise to someone from the US is a hard life for a native.

But C.S. Lewis, in the book The Great Divorce, makes a good point that nothing can rob heaven of its happiness. Meaning, in this case, that my feeling depressed and sorry all the time for the whole world and its problems will not help the world. I can do what I can, contribute meaningfully using my time, talents, and finances, and still find joy in beautiful things. In fact, I only can enjoy beautiful things because I have experienced the opposite.

It's late and I'm waxing philosophical, but I think that it's culturally expected now—and especially so during the 5:00 news—to be horrified, mortified, miffed, frightened, and offended on behalf of other people. If I am happy, I'm shallow and unfeeling, perhaps too sheltered to understand humanity's awful condition. What I'm attempting to say is that it's okay to be happy and at peace even if others are sad. You can still feel empathy for a person without needing to descend into the depths of misery and stay there just to show solidarity.

This brings us back full circle to Hopkins' statement that though "generations have trod, have trod, have trod" and all is "bleared, smeared with toil," yet "for all this, nature is never spent" and there is still reason to rejoice in God's grandeur.

Mormons on Colbert's "Yahweh or No Way?"

2011-08-12T14:26:00.000+12:00

Colbert brings out some fun inconsistencies in the way we judge each other about religion. A good chuckle.

The Colbert Report

Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c

Yahweh or No Way? - Mormons & God's Poll Numbers

www.colbertnation.com

Colbert Report Full Episodes

Political Humor & Satire Blog

Video Archive

The Real Majuro

2011-08-11T17:14:00.000+12:00

My friend Brook took some great pictures of downtown Majuro while she was here. She is a litigation lawyer for cases about climate change and global warming. What you see on my blog is mostly happy sunset-y pictures because I'm not downtown much, so these pictures will help round out your perception. Check out these two posts in particular.

Truly Vulnerable

There Is Less Land and More Water Than There Used to Be in Majuro

The photos are sad and accurate but still beautiful.

Those who don't believe in global warming should come and visit. :) Go get 'em, Brook!

Andrew's Trip to a Nuclear Fallout Zone

2011-08-07T09:37:00.000+12:00

On July 30th, 2011, I kissed my husband tenderly and told him that we had had a wonderful marriage and that I would miss him. And then he left for Rongelap, one of the hardest-hit atolls from the nuclear testing the United States did.

To understand the significance of visiting this place, please watch this short clip from YouTube:

What happened was this: when they ("they" meaning the military and government personnel of the United States—I don't like to use "we" even though it was my country, because I certainly don't approve of the testing they did) tested the 1954 H-Bomb, which equaled about 1,000 Hiroshima bombs, the wind drifted away from Bikini Atoll in a way they did not expect. Some of the fallout dropped onto Rongelap Atoll. The people there said that the day had two suns, and fire fell from the air, burning their skin. Many of them got very sick. They were relocated to other islands for three years, and when they were taken back, they got sick again because the radiation had still not fully dissipated. No one has lived there since 1985.

Finally, after many years and many millions of dollars fixing the soil and restoring the island as much as they could, the island is just about ready to be re-inhabited. The radiation left in the soil is minimal; in a year you'd get the same amount of radiation as you'd get in one airplane ride.

However, the much bigger problem lies in the contamination of the food. Coconuts, coconut crabs (who eat their own exoskeletons, thereby perpetuating and concentrating the contamination), and the stomachs of clams contain higher amounts of radiation. The people wouldn't be able to eat those things, which, considering how little food variety there is on the land, could be tough if they were isolated for a long time. And Rongelap is certainly isolated; it's 400 miles from Majuro, which itself is thousands of miles away from any of the main continents.

There's your update on Rongelap Atoll in the Marshall Islands. Now go, my people, and drop bombs no more. Here are some photographs Andrew took with our dinky little camera. And yes, he made it home safe and sound.

Leaving Majuro (you see the northwest part of the atoll here).

Rongelap—coming in for a landing.

Coming in for a landing hopefully on land.

Air Marshall Islands has two island-hopping planes; one is broken and this one is being sold for unknown reasons.

Airport terminal.

This airport parking lot struck Andrew as pretty funny, since there were about five vehicles on the whole island.

Incredible beaches. The water is fine now; it's not dangerous to swim there (because of radiation—sharks and jellyfish are another matter).

Wild bands of roving pigs.

The people of Rongelap have these really nice houses to come back to. Compared to where they are living in Majuro, this is a definite step up. But the other costs (isolation, contaminated food supply, poor transportation options, etc.) make it a difficult decision to move back, even after all the United States has done to restore their land.

The black soil is all the soil coral atolls have. You can see how thin the soil layer is before you hit sand. In Rongelap, to repair what we could, we leveled the whole village, scraped off the irradiated dirt, and covered it with coral and soil.

Leaving Rongelap.

Refueling in Kwajalein. The rainbow, given its biblical significance, is kind of ironic. Would that there be neither floods nor bombs that destroy the earth again!

Coming home to Majuro (Ajeltake—south part of the atoll).

And so far Andrew has sprouted no limbs or extra eyes. I'm still the only three-earlobed mutant around.

No Pressure or Anything . . .

2011-07-29T21:54:00.000+12:00

Well, because this is such a small post here in the Marshall Islands, we've had the chance to meet people that we would rarely have seen if we were at a big post. It's been a good demystifying experience to remember that these people are more than their titles. Still, I fully admit I was a little nervous when I played my first-ever game of tennis (doubles) with the Ambassador, her husband (who was the Chargé d'Affaires in Luxembourg after Cynthia Stroum resigned), and our Deputy Chief of Mission (DCM) here in Majuro. No pressure or anything . . .

We didn't win, but at least I didn't make a complete fool of myself. They won four games to three. And I'm getting better; a kind British gentleman here, Allen, who is 73 and an amazing tennis player, gave me a really good tennis lesson yesterday, so I'm determined to just play my best, to have fun, and to not to be distracted or intimidated by titles when I play.

Also, this past week we were invited, with the Ambassador and her husband, to lunch with Australian’s Lieutenant Commander George McKenzie and Commander Geoff Turner, Defense Attaché South West Pacific, along with their wives, Angie and Vale. We went to this delightfully—um—delightful VIP room at a Chinese restaurant. The food was fantastic and I loved the Australians. They seem a lot more calm than Americans to me. Here was the VIP room with its amazing and overwhelming light fixture:

Tonight we went to a Taiwanese/Marshallese talent show, put on by a group of youth who visited for two weeks. It was fun. They had glow sticks at the end and the music somehow transported me back to EFY times. But I applaud the sharing of culture that they did. They had lots and lots of food for us afterward, Max acted ravenous, and I showed Mina, the DCM from Taiwan, Maxwell's Taiwanese shoes that Marie got for him while she was on her mission there. It was a fun outing.

As for all this hobnobbin', I'd like to quote one of my favorite Muppet lines (this one's from Muppets in Manhattan):

"Peoples is peoples."

Thus it is, the world over.

Chuckle, Chuckle, Sigh

2011-07-28T03:18:00.000+12:00

From The Onion:
Congress Continues Debate Over Whether Or Not Nation Should Be Economically Ruined

Divided Government, Not Dysfunctional Government

2011-07-26T20:34:00.000+12:00

I strongly recommend, ye good citizens, that you read Obama's recent address to the nation. It clarifies the problem going on in Washington right now and what needs to be done. I appreciated Obama's words, particularly on coming together as a nation to combat our debt, and I respect and honor him as our President. Let your leaders know how you feel!

THE WHITE HOUSE

Office of the Press Secretary

________________________________________________________________

For Immediate Release July 25, 2011

ADDRESS BY THE PRESIDENT

TO THE NATION

East Room

9:01 P.M. EDT

THE PRESIDENT: Good evening. Tonight, I want to talk about the debate we’ve been having in Washington over the national debt — a debate that directly affects the lives of all Americans.

For the last decade, we’ve spent more money than we take in. In the year 2000, the government had a budget surplus. But instead of using it to pay off our debt, the money was spent on trillions of dollars in new tax cuts, while two wars and an expensive prescription drug program were simply added to our nation’s credit card.

As a result, the deficit was on track to top $1 trillion the year I took office. To make matters worse, the recession meant that there was less money coming in, and it required us to spend even more — on tax cuts for middle-class families to spur the economy; on unemployment insurance; on aid to states so we could prevent more teachers and firefighters and police officers from being laid off. These emergency steps also added to the deficit.

Now, every family knows that a little credit card debt is manageable. But if we stay on the current path, our growing debt could cost us jobs and do serious damage to the economy. More of our tax dollars will go toward paying off the interest on our loans. Businesses will be less likely to open up shop and hire workers in a country that can’t balance its books. Interest rates could climb for everyone who borrows money — the homeowner with a mortgage, the student with a college loan, the corner store that wants to expand. And we won’t have enough money to make job-creating investments in things like education and infrastructure, or pay for vital programs like Medicare and Medicaid.

Because neither party is blameless for the decisions that led to this problem, both parties have a responsibility to solve it. And over the last several months, that’s what we’ve been trying to do. I won’t bore you with the details of every plan or proposal, but basically, the debate has centered around two different approaches.

The first approach says, let’s live within our means by making serious, historic cuts in government spending. Let’s cut domestic spending to the lowest level it’s been since Dwight Eisenhower was President. Let’s cut defense spending at the Pentagon by hundreds of billions of dollars. Let’s cut out waste and fraud in health care programs like Medicare — and at the same time, let’s make modest adjustments so that Medicare is still there for future generations. Finally, let’s ask the wealthiest Americans and biggest corporations to give up some of their breaks in the tax code and special deductions.

This balanced approach asks everyone to give a little without requiring anyone to sacrifice too much. It would reduce the deficit by around $4 trillion and put us on a path to pay down our debt. And the cuts wouldn’t happen so abruptly that they’d be a drag on our economy, or prevent us from helping small businesses and middle-class families get back on their feet right now.

This approach is also bipartisan. While many in my own party aren’t happy with the painful cuts it makes, enough will be willing to accept them if the burden is fairly shared. While Republicans might like to see deeper cuts and no revenue at all, there are many in the Senate who have said, “Yes, I’m willing to put politics aside and consider this approach because I care about solving the problem.” And to his credit, this is the kind of approach the Republican Speaker of the House, John Boehner, was working on with me over the last several weeks.

The only reason this balanced approach isn’t on its way to becoming law right now is because a significant number of Republicans in Congress are insisting on a different approach — a cuts-only approach — an approach that doesn’t ask the wealthiest Americans or biggest corporations to contribute anything at all. And because nothing is asked of those at the top of the income scale, such an approach would close the deficit only with more severe cuts to programs we all care about — cuts that place a greater burden on working families.

So the debate right now isn’t about whether we need to make tough choices. Democrats and Republicans agree on the amount of deficit reduction we need. The debate is about how it should be done. Most Americans, regardless of political party, don’t understand how we can ask a senior citizen to pay more for her Medicare before we ask a corporate jet owner or the oil companies to give up tax breaks that other companies don’t get. How can we ask a student to pay more for college before we ask hedge fund managers to stop paying taxes at a lower rate than their secretaries? How can we slash funding for education and clean energy before we ask people like me to give up tax breaks we don’t need and didn’t ask for?

That’s not right. It’s not fair. We all want a government that lives within its means, but there are still things we need to pay for as a country — things like new roads and bridges; weather satellites and food inspection; services to veterans and medical research.

And keep in mind that under a balanced approach, the 98 percent of Americans who make under $250,000 would see no tax increases at all. None. In fact, I want to extend the payroll tax cut for working families. What we’re talking about under a balanced approach is asking Americans whose incomes have gone up the most over the last decade — millionaires and billionaires — to share in the sacrifice everyone else has to make. And I think these patriotic Americans are willing to pitch in. In fact, over the last few decades, they’ve pitched in every time we passed a bipartisan deal to reduce the deficit. The first time a deal was passed, a predecessor of mine made the case for a balanced approach by saying this:

“Would you rather reduce deficits and interest rates by raising revenue from those who are not now paying their fair share, or would you rather accept larger budget deficits, higher interest rates, and higher unemployment? And I think I know your answer.”

Those words were spoken by Ronald Reagan. But today, many Republicans in the House refuse to consider this kind of balanced approach — an approach that was pursued not only by President Reagan, but by the first President Bush, by President Clinton, by myself, and by many Democrats and Republicans in the United States Senate. So we’re left with a stalemate.

Now, what makes today’s stalemate so dangerous is that it has been tied to something known as the debt ceiling — a term that most people outside of Washington have probably never heard of before.

Understand — raising the debt ceiling does not allow Congress to spend more money. It simply gives our country the ability to pay the bills that Congress has already racked up. In the past, raising the debt ceiling was routine. Since the 1950s, Congress has always passed it, and every President has signed it. President Reagan did it 18 times. George W. Bush did it seven times. And we have to do it by next Tuesday, August 2nd, or else we won’t be able to pay all of our bills.

Unfortunately, for the past several weeks, Republican House members have essentially said that the only way they’ll vote to prevent America’s first-ever default is if the rest of us agree to their deep, spending cuts-only approach.

If that happens, and we default, we would not have enough money to pay all of our bills — bills that include monthly Social Security checks, veterans’ benefits, and the government contracts we’ve signed with thousands of businesses.

For the first time in history, our country’s AAA credit rating would be downgraded, leaving investors around the world to wonder whether the United States is still a good bet. Interest rates would skyrocket on credit cards, on mortgages and on car loans, which amounts to a huge tax hike on the American people. We would risk sparking a deep economic crisis — this one caused almost entirely by Washington.

So defaulting on our obligations is a reckless and irresponsible outcome to this debate. And Republican leaders say that they agree we must avoid default. But the new approach that Speaker Boehner unveiled today, which would temporarily extend the debt ceiling in exchange for spending cuts, would force us to once again face the threat of default just six months from now. In other words, it doesn’t solve the problem.

First of all, a six-month extension of the debt ceiling might not be enough to avoid a credit downgrade and the higher interest rates that all Americans would have to pay as a result. We know what we have to do to reduce our deficits; there’s no point in putting the economy at risk by kicking the can further down the road.

But there’s an even greater danger to this approach. Based on what we’ve seen these past few weeks, we know what to expect six months from now. The House of Representatives will once again refuse to prevent default unless the rest of us accept their cuts-only approach. Again, they will refuse to ask the wealthiest Americans to give up their tax cuts or deductions. Again, they will demand harsh cuts to programs like Medicare. And once again, the economy will be held captive unless they get their way.

This is no way to run the greatest country on Earth. It’s a dangerous game that we’ve never played before, and we can’t afford to play it now. Not when the jobs and livelihoods of so many families are at stake. We can’t allow the American people to become collateral damage to Washington’s political warfare.

Congress now has one week left to act, and there are still paths forward. The Senate has introduced a plan to avoid default, which makes a down payment on deficit reduction and ensures that we don’t have to go through this again in six months.

I think that’s a much better approach, although serious deficit reduction would still require us to tackle the tough challenges of entitlement and tax reform. Either way, I’ve told leaders of both parties that they must come up with a fair compromise in the next few days that can pass both houses of Congress — and a compromise that I can sign. I’m confident we can reach this compromise. Despite our disagreements, Republican leaders and I have found common ground before. And I believe that enough members of both parties will ultimately put politics aside and help us make progress.

Now, I realize that a lot of the new members of Congress and I don’t see eye-to-eye on many issues. But we were each elected by some of the same Americans for some of the same reasons. Yes, many want government to start living within its means. And many are fed up with a system in which the deck seems stacked against middle-class Americans in favor of the wealthiest few. But do you know what people are fed up with most of all?

They’re fed up with a town where compromise has become a dirty word. They work all day long, many of them scraping by, just to put food on the table. And when these Americans come home at night, bone-tired, and turn on the news, all they see is the same partisan three-ring circus here in Washington. They see leaders who can’t seem to come together and do what it takes to make life just a little bit better for ordinary Americans. They’re offended by that. And they should be.

The American people may have voted for divided government, but they didn’t vote for a dysfunctional government. So I’m asking you all to make your voice heard. If you want a balanced approach to reducing the deficit, let your member of Congress know. If you believe we can solve this problem through compromise, send that message.

America, after all, has always been a grand experiment in compromise. As a democracy made up of every race and religion, where every belief and point of view is welcomed, we have put to the test time and again the proposition at the heart of our founding: that out of many, we are one. We’ve engaged in fierce and passionate debates about the issues of the day, but from slavery to war, from civil liberties to questions of economic justice, we have tried to live by the words that Jefferson once wrote: “Every man cannot have his way in all things — without this mutual disposition, we are disjointed individuals, but not a society.”

History is scattered with the stories of those who held fast to rigid ideologies and refused to listen to those who disagreed. But those are not the Americans we remember. We remember the Americans who put country above self, and set personal grievances aside for the greater good. We remember the Americans who held this country together during its most difficult hours; who put aside pride and party to form a more perfect union.

That’s who we remember. That’s who we need to be right now. The entire world is watching. So let’s seize this moment to show why the United States of America is still the greatest nation on Earth — not just because we can still keep our word and meet our obligations, but because we can still come together as one nation.

Thank you, God bless you, and may God bless the United States of America.

END 9:16 P.M. EDT

Maxwell's (Belated) Kemem

2011-07-25T21:08:00.176+12:00

We decided to celebrate Maxwell's first birthday party (called a kemem) a little late because we wanted our house to feel like a home before we invited people over. The party finally happened last Friday, and it was wonderful. In the Marshall Islands, the first birthday is a big deal because it means that the child has survived his or her first year (a feat considering how high the mortality rate for infants was). The party was really a celebration for the parents. This party, for us, was also kind of a housewarming party and a thank-you to all those who had helped us get settled. There were about 75 people who came, and it was a good first experience in hosting something larger. I'm sure it won't be the last as long as Andrew is in the Foreign Service (did you know that officers used to be rated on how well their wives could host and cook and clean?! Yeeargh!).

I couldn't have done this party without the help of the sister missionaries and other friends, though. They all helped with food or setting up or letting me borrow extra bowls or platters. I am really grateful for them. Also, Dolly from the Tide Table Restaurant had called earlier and offered to help with Max's kemem just out of the goodness of her heart. She came over the day of the party and helped bake the salmon and the mussels. Thanks to Larry and Derrain for leaving that stuff for us in the freezer! And Andrew was a sweetheart and stayed up late the night before making Swedish meatballs. The house smelled so good. Rosida, a sweet lady from our ward, also came to help set up.

We had cheese and crackers, Andrew's Swedish meatballs (a big hit!), a pasta salad, a cabbage/fruit salad that I'd never heard of before that Sister Hillbourne made, a Phillipine dish I can't pronounce that Dolly brought, rolls that Sister Davidson taught me to make, coconut cakes that Sister Davidson also brought, Texas sheet cakes from Sisters Badger and Christensen, lemonade water, a fruity slush drink with Sprite (a Utah favorite), and last but not least, fresh coconuts (ni) from our yard that Elmi husked for us. It was really nice of him to do that; husking takes a long time. All in all, it was a feast.

Some pictures and videos:

This is from earlier in the day. Dolly's son LJ was the best four-year-old babysitter ever! Max loved him and followed him around for hours laughing like a madman while Dolly and I cooked in the kitchen. I unfortunately didn't get a good picture with Dolly—something to remedy in the future. Dolly also brought a Marshallese mat with her—it was so big that I just don't know where to put it! Dolly was so helpful and fun.

Max and Andrew with Daisy, a locally employed staff member who works closely with Andrew. She is great.

The birthday boy. He had a great time. A few people gave us these fun amimono necklaces.

The leftover ni + straws that Austin kindly ran to get. Mmmm!

Here is the Enos family. They were really sweet. They brought another handmade Marshallese mat and sang some Marshallese songs to Max. Sister Enos played the ukelele (very well) while they sang. Bishop Enos, by the way, works in the Foreign Ministry (and therefore with Andrew sometimes) and I teach piano to Chrystal, their daughter. They are a great family and do so much for the people here.

I love Maxwell watching them!

A 'bubbly' from Nick, an Australian friend. He made sure to get a non-alcoholic one for us, and said that Max can share it too.

A brown teddy bear from Villi, another locally employed staff member. He is from Fiji and is very kind and helpful. I like this picture.

I guess I was wrong—Max's first word was really "Have." He's been saying that more or less intelligibly for a while now.

This delightful creature, plus some excellent books and gecko puppets, came from our MN Bubu. Thank you! Max is still a little wary of the hermit crab puppet, but he sticks his tongue in and out when he holds the geckos. :) Maxwell also loves to read Chicka Chicka Boom Boom, but we can't get through the first few pages without him going back to the beginning, where the whole alphabet covers the spread—he wants the alphabet read to him over and over. I happily oblige. He likes to bring books over to us throughout the whole day and says "Ree, ree!"

Thanks, everyone, for a great party! It was a lot of fun.

Fresh Greens

2011-07-24T21:04:00.000+12:00

I tell you what, I need to go back to school and become a biologist. The earth is amazing. I feel like we've tried to recreate foods through science, a noble endeavor to a point, but a little knowledge about indigenous plants and animals would be a bajillion times better for us—and them. We're getting too lazy to take care of the foods we eat—it's easier to buy it from the store, but then we're bound to eat what the store provides. (See this earlier post for more raving about food.)

Anyway, I believe I've mentioned before that it's not even really worth buying spinach or fresh greens in the Marshall Islands; they are already going bad when they get here and they're terribly expensive. I was a little worried that we'd get a sodium overload because we're eating so much stuff out of cans.

Then, while walking with one of the senior missionaries last week, Sister Badger told me a great secret that someone at the Wellness Center had told her: the moringa tree grows on this island.

Moringa oleifera = fresh greens.

And it happened to grow nearby, so Sister Badger showed me, I plucked off a few branches, and I put the leaves on tuna fish sandwiches for lunch. It was great! Doesn't taste like a whole lot (maybe the tuna overpowered it) but I am super impressed with the nutritional value of this tree. Get this: it is a fantastic source of calcium, phosphorus, beta-carotene, potassium, protein, iron, and Vitamin C. In addition, it acts like a type of antibiotic, which is really helpful in developing countries. It grows well in the tropics and in sandy soil. Wow. We'll try a soup with it next.

Maria Fowler, whose husband works with Andrew, wrote a book about the native plants here; it's on my reading list. More forays into the realm of indigenous plants are to come.

Foresight

2011-07-23T01:08:00.000+12:00

I remember watching this clip at one point, but I just laughed and moved on with my life. My attention was brought to it again tonight, and oh, it made me laugh all the harder. The plastic bag reference is completely, completely accurate. I could not have guessed at the time this clip was made (June 15, 2010, just about one month after Max was born) that I would be (a) in the Foreign Service and (b) living in the North Pacific. May He who sees things clearer than I do keep seeing them and looking out for us, because my foresight is awfully stunted.

Anyway, enjoy the clip. Also, look forward to pictures from Maxwell's kemem. It was a success.

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Stomach Flu

2011-07-19T13:38:00.000+12:00

Welp, I just got a little taste of the native viruses last week. Delicious, let me tell you. It starts with muscle aches, and then you get a stomach ache and feel exhausted, and then you start throwing up, and then you are terrified to move more than five feet away from the bathroom for fear you won't make it. I haven't felt so nauseated since I was pregnant. At first I thought I had food poisoning, and I thought the culprit was my beloved sprouts or the moldy church Cheerios that I ate last Sunday. But lots of our friends have gotten the same bug, and I'm pretty sure they didn't eat either of those things.

In addition to having no energy and feeling awful, the internet went down, our phones went dead, and our water filter stopped working for a few hours, Maxwell was getting his molars in AND had diarrhea, the monthly curse was all-upons, Andrew was crazy busy at work, and I was trying to get invitations out for Maxwell's belated birthday party. I can handle all of those things, but not all at once.

So Max and I hunkered down, cried together, took naps, and drank a lot. Thanks, Kari, for those pediatric electrolyte packets you left me! Max and I both had them. Andrew was a great help too. We're basically fine now—I still have a psychological aversion to sprouts and Cheerios. But aren't these pretty? Andrew loved them. These are the hardcore kind. I liked the sprouts from the wheat and lentils and triticale but not from the peas. Those were too bitter for me.

Sorry, Andrew, I won't be making them for a while . . .

In other news, right before I got sick I accomplished one of my Majuro Goals: Kayak across the lagoon to the outer islands and back (a little more than six miles). It was NOT part of the goal to forget to bring water and to go during the hottest part of the day, but I made it. Andrew's done this trip a few times now, and he took some great pictures. So here is more or less what my trip was like:

It is really nice to be able to go out and kayak whenever Max gives us a chance. I know I'll miss it, so we're going to enjoy it as much as possible.

Max is doing well on his ABCs and he spoke his first complete and intelligible word today: "on." He loves turning things on and off. He also loves to shimmy.

Some lagoon fish.

At least I lived long enough to see this sunset. May I not get sick like that again for at least another three months.

Fourth Anniversary

2011-07-07T00:35:00.000+12:00

And happily counting.

Jordan River Temple

On Sprouting

2011-07-05T15:39:00.000+12:00

Okay, as promised, here is my honest assessment of the sprouting process: it's fantastic!
I've done two rounds of alfalfa seeds now—the second set of seeds were from Catherine (thanks!).

Day 1

Still Day 1, but here's the two-tray effect.

Day 3—pretty good eating

Day 4—Harvest

Here's the second set. I figured out that I've been using only half the seeds that I could—you use two tablespoons of alfalfa seeds per tray, and I was only using one.

And they taste great! I pour water over them at 8 am, 2 pm, and 8 pm and drain out the excess water. Easier than taking care of a child or a dog, I'll tell you that. The seeds are really forgiving and will grow even if I miss rinsing them once or twice.

We've eaten them on sandwiches, on tacos, and in soups so far. My thanks to Grandma Kaye for sending me the kit! (You can also, by the way, sprout seeds in a jar and just put cheesecloth or even pantyhose over the top. No kit investment needed.)

I was once told by a neighbor that I was wasting my time grinding coconuts from our yard—why not just buy it from the store? There are a few things that you miss out on by doing that: the satisfaction that you did something yourself to feed your family; the wholesome, non-processed goodness that you can't always get at the store; the monetary savings; and the knowledge of how to provide for your family if there ISN'T a store that can provide for your family.

I'm not about to go AWOL and make everything from scratch, but sprouting is something that I CAN do and that I LIKE to do that yields great benefits. Am I saying that you should do sprouting? Grind your own wheat and make wheat bread twice a week? Nope. I'm just saying that it's pretty cool and it's a good thing to know how to do if there are no fresh vegetables around—or, like here, they are scarce and cost a grundle.

Sprouting: a mystery unmystified. Next: how to get pandanus off our pandanus tree.

Tyrannosaurus Max

2011-07-05T15:04:00.000+12:00

Max walks around with his hands scrunched in (probably because he needs them right there if he falls, which he does frequently), and he also makes strange noises while he walks.

Also, let it be known that there are fates worse than death. This is your final warning, bugs!